Nicole be Thinking...

R.I.P. Etta James

2012-01-20T11:12:00.000-06:00

If you know me, you know how much I love Etta James. To spend the whole day listening to her music doesn't seem like enough of a tribute because I do that so often, but I will anyway. She'll be missed.

R.I.P. Jamesetta Hawkins

1938-2012

5 Best Memories of 2011

2011-12-31T18:40:00.000-06:00

I know 2011 was a decent year but as I sat down to make this list, I couldn't think of anything. Like... At all. I drew a blank. I had to call upon my agent, Michelle, and I think we have good little list here. These were some of the better things that happened this year. I don't think I can rank them like last year. Everything here gives me warm and fuzzies.

1. College Connection

So... a little backstory... I was a little irritated with my brothers this summer. DZ had failed a class and wasn't being realistic about his future. In a huff, I decided I would take him and "let the white people tell him" about life. I remembered that Bob Obrohta, who ran Imagine College at Pearl Cohn when I was there, had embarked on something called called Nashville College Connection a few years ago. Bob told me lots of great things when I was in high school whether I listened or not, so I figured he'd be perfect to tell DZ, too. What I got from dragging my brothers to the Oasis Center in the middle of June was way more than I ever expected. Nashville College Connection is now Oasis College Connection and they needed mentors to go into high schools and do what I had done with my brother on a larger scale. I started in July and it really is the perfect job for me. I work with a great team. I interact with really great kids. I love talking to people. I love thinking that someone may do college differently because I kinda sucked at it first. From July on, I made great memories for 2011.

2. Fourth of July

I don't know what it is about Independence Day. Last year was hella crazy. This year was an absolute mess. But at least we remember this year. Which is odd considering how much I drank... Both mine and Michelle's families were in Atlanta for the holiday. I didn't go because I wasn't sure if I got the College Connection job and I needed to be in town. Michelle didn't go because Lovenoise did 3 parties that weekend. So... We were in Chill Lite mode. Then Michelle had this crazy idea that we would go to Atl immediately after the Saturday party, chill with our families in the morning and then be back in Nashville for the Sunday party. I was down.
Saturday I decided to go celebrate another friend's birthday at Mai while I waited for my agent to be done at La Paz. I told everyone that I had no plans to drink, because we were leaving for Atl at 3am. Then people started handing me shots and then Mai's blue shit and then more shots.
Next thing I know, I'm in a really good place. On the road to Atl, I tried to take pics of fog. In the dark. I talked nonstop. I was very amusing. I slept most of the morning. And then on the way back to Nashville my sinuses started to hate me and I didn't even make it to the Sunday party. Every plan fell through, but I had a lot of fun.

3. Childish Gambino
I am a Childish Gambino fan. A big one. So when we found out he would be here, there was no question that we would be front row. Michelle wasn't even in town the day the tickets went on sale, but through some powerful agentry at work she bought probably one of the first tickets. We missed Community to be there, but it was so worth it. Front row. Knew all the words. Michelle touched him. It was one of my favorite events, second or third after Janelle and ?uestlove.

4. Recognize
This semester Tuesday nights at Mai became the most anticipated part of my week. It's a stress releaser, a hella good time. There are $1 drinks. 40s. Great music. A cool crowd. Some time in October, Bria joined us and it was absolutely magical. I can't even say much more than that. You just had to have been there. I won't forget it.

5. Epic Nap
This fall, a bunch of us attended the Get Motivated Seminar at Bridgestone as "professional development." Honestly, I only went because I thought I'd get to hear Bill Cosby talk bad about black people in front of white people while wearing sun glasses indoors. I mean... That might've been the highlight of my year. Instead, we heard Rudy Giuliani talk about 9/11 and grasping the internet. Basically it was just a bunch millionaires fooling broke people into thinking they could one day be millionaires too. We didn't make it to Bill Cosby, and so... the epic nap that followed our time at Bridgestone is the actual highlight of the day. The night before we went to the Wale concert. We woke up late, irritated. It took 30 minutes to park and 15 minutes to walk. The seminar was a mess. We left at lunch intending to return, but it was sooo pretty outside. So we ended up at Centennial Park with magazines and books thinking we'd soak up some sun and bounce work ideas off of each other. It started out on track and then hours later I woke up. Didn't even realize I had fallen asleep. And the only reason I woke up was because the sun was shining on me, we were no longer in the shade. It was crazy. But awesome and so desperately needed.

Top 5 Albums in Rotation in 2011

2011-12-31T16:21:00.000-06:00

I did this last year and I liked it so I decided to do one for this year. The list is based on how much I play the whole album. It doesn't have much to do with sales, critical reception, or quality. The list isn't ranked, and it isn't up for debate. Just for fun, my favorite albums this year. =]

21 Adele (January)

From the moment I first played "Rolling in the Deep" (for Aries Rapper/Designer, ironically) I knew I would love this album. Said to be inspired by "a deep well of Americana, music from Nashville," 21 is the sequel to Adele's soulful, stellar debut, 19. I truly have played this album the entire year. It opens perfectly with "Rolling in the Deep," goes into a full-circle story about cheating and revenge in "Rumour Has It," and on full force to "Turning Tables." Adele perfectly mixes her strength with her vulnerabilities in "Don't You Remember," "Take It All," and "One and Only." She shows that you can be a "down ass bitch" in the classiest of ways with "He Won't Go." I love every song on the album and I can identify with most of them (though, luckily, my life is not mirroring this album the way it did with 19). I still play 19 quite a bit, and I'm sure I'll be playing this for a while, too.

Original Dom Kennedy Dom Kennedy (March)

I'm almost sure this came out in March. I got it on my trip home around that time. Dom Kennedy is my favorite rapper right now. Period. OGDK takes me to a place where all I have to do is ride with the top (read: the windows) down and soak in the sunshine. "Bet You Want Me (Now)" and "CDC" are a couple of my favorite songs in general. "Can't Let Go" is the most honest and emotion "I hurt you, we broke up, I miss you" song by a rapper I can listen to. "Turn Me Out," "Designer Shit," "Nigga 4 Life..." I could go on and one. And the album artwork is inspired and amusing. I love everything about OGDK.

4 Beyonce (June)

If you've spent any amount of time reading my blog, you know that I went on a little Beyonce binge this summer. I already wrote about this album at length. Though I tried to avoid Beyonce when it was all over, I couldn't help driving down the freeway singing "Start Over" as loud as I could. "Countdown" fulfills all my hoodrat romantic desires. "End of Time" has me wishing a drumline could wake me up every morning. I likened listening to Beyonce to playing dress up as a kid. I still feel that way, but these days I'm more willing to play.

Watch The Throne Jay-Z and Kanye West (August)

This is the album that made me stop writing reviews. I will not critique it in any way. But will say, I absolutely love "Niggas in Paris," "Gotta Have It," and "Why I Love You." "Who Gon Stop Me" wakes me up every morning and "Primetime" is my ringtone. That is all.

Camp Childish Gambino (November)

So... Me and Michelle are Childish Gambino aficionados. He's not everyone's cup of tea, but our cup runs over. For serious. We love him. Still... When I first played Camp, I was driving from work or something similarly mundane, and I wasn't fully plugged in. And then about 1:45 in, the beat changes and the chorus comes in and I was stunned, stuck, hooked. Immediately alerted Michelle. I won't say too much else about it because this list isn't open for debate and oddly lil' ol' Donald has become a bit of a polarizing artist. But... I loved it.

Special: Section.80 Kendrick Lamar (July)

I know I said top five albums in rotation this year, but there is no way I can leave this off. So... Top 5 Albums and my Special Inclusion (and the Honorable Mention below. Don't judge me...) Anyway... There isn't really any profound statement I could make that would adequately explain what I feel when I listen to this. Not sappy, sentimental feelings, but... I can relate to it. Obviously everything on the list means something to me, but this might be the best album that came out all year. Almost every lyric resonates. I can't listen to "Hey" without listening to "Chapter Six." His flow is ridiculous; it dances all over "Rigamortus." I can't wait to see what Kendrick does next.

Honorable Mention: New Designer Drug J*DaVeY (November)

Fans of J*DaVey have been waiting for New Designer Drug for about 3 years. I kind of forgot so much time had passed because of the release of the Great Mistapes: Boudoir Synema and Evil Christian Cop. Then this video of Jack singing "Queen of Wonderland" surfaced. The album that followed is a really good trip, the kind you want to keep coming back to (as opposed to the kind that makes you see things and/or sit still). "Kill 4 Fun," the little ear treat at the end of "Turn the Lights Out," and "This One" are my favorites. Similar to the "special inclusion" of Section.80, I call this an "Honorable Mention" because, even though this is my list and I can do what I want, I like to stick to some kind of rules...

The Perfect Playlist

2011-12-27T12:36:00.000-06:00

I've never been really into my iTunes play count. I'm always listening to music but I don't finish a lot of songs. I have a touch of ADD... But I decided to see what I like the most according to iTunes. The result was surprisingly accurate has become one of my favorite playlists so I decided to share. Find these songs. Put them together. And enjoy. =]

Bet You Want Me (Now) - Dom Kennedy, Original Dom Kennedy
Designer Shit - Dom, OGDK
Daydreams - Adele, 19
Best for Last - Adele, 19
Turn Me Out - Dom, OGDK
Bodies - Cee-lo, The Lady Killer
Why Don't You Love Me - Beyonce, I am... Sasha Fierce
CDC - Dom ft. Casey Veggies & Carter, OGDK
Nigga 4 Life - Dom, OGDK
He Won't Go - Adele, 21
Self! - Deep Cotton
Crazy for You - Adele, 19
Fool for You - Cee-lo ft. Philip Bailey, The Lady Killer
Chasing Pavements - Adele, 19
Right as Rain - Adele, 19
Rolling in the Deep - Adele, 21
Fuck You! - Cee-lo, The Lady Killer
Playas Punch - Dom, OGDK
Do Ya Like - Childish Gambino, Culdesac
Can't Let Go - Dom, OGDK
Take it All - Adele, 21
Goodbye - Dom, OGDK
Wish You Were Mine - Terius Nash, 1977
Outside - Childish Gambino, CAMP
Gotta Have It - Jay-Z & Kanye, Watch the Throne
My Same - Adele, 19
Intro - Dom, OGDK
You Know Me - Childish Gambino, Culdesac
On The Way Home - Dom, OGDK
When You See Love - Dom, OGDK
Freaks and Geeks - Childish Gambino, EP
I'll Be Waiting - Adele, 21
One and Only - Adele, 21
Niggas in Paris - Jay-Z & Kanye, Watch the Throne

Mini Me Sings

2011-12-13T12:01:00.001-06:00

So... Tia sings with the Williams College Ephlats. I wanted to share her solos and the easiest way to do that is through Nicole be Thinking. Take a break, enjoy.

"Best Thing I Never Had"

"Grenade"

"Wild Young Hearts"

I left out the ones where she shares a solo. Ion't care bout nobody else's kids, just mines! =]

This is How it Should Be Done

2011-11-09T22:32:00.000-06:00

When I was a freshman at San Francisco State, my English composition professor had us all write satire based on the practice of trying minors as adults. We also researched and wrote actual papers on the subject, but we did the satire first. I don't think I'm funny and she used The Onion as the model so I was really intimidated by the assignment, but I turned it in and put it behind me. I don't remember what grade I got. Right now I'm compiling a portfolio for my senior seminar and I came across it. It's a little rough, but it made me chuckle a little. I decided to share. Enjoy. =]

Across America, kids are killing their peers, their teachers, goldfish, and even their grandmother’s ferns. The latest case puts a first grader on trial for attempted murder because he slashed the tire on his cousin’s big wheel because hers went faster than his. This current case is forcing us to take a closer look at our children. It’s obvious that our juvenile justice system isn’t equipped to handle mini murderers, so why don’t we utilize our criminal justice system? As long as justice is served, what difference does it make which system we use? Many people who disagree with trying children as adults are not seeing the bigger picture.

It seems that murderers are getting younger and younger. We can understand a lonely 40-year-old man making bombs in his mother’s basement and mailing them to people. On most days, we can even understand why a postal worker would go on a rampage and shoot up the place during peak hours. Nathaniel Brazill, Derek and Alex King, and Lionel Tate -- all of whom killed in cold blood before they saw an eighteenth birthday -- give us a fair reason to put these little terrors in prison for a very long time. Every time we hear that someone has been badly hurt or killed we make sure that little Suzie and Bobby are still in their playpens, far away from bats, knives, and bouncing balls -- for our safety, of course. Fear like that is unnatural. Wouldn’t you sleep better at night knowing there kids are locked up and off the streets?

With our murderers getting younger, the list of reasons to kill seems to get longer. Gone are the dignified days of killing in self defense or because some thief tried to steal your good china. Much to the dismay of hit men everywhere, kids have made murder a PG-13 sport. Kids have shown that they lack the capacity to think things through logically. They don’t see the finality of their actions and show just how amateur they are.

Not only are they killing people for changing the channel from Nickelodeon to Cartoon Network, but kids are too easy to catch. By leaving behind video tapes wrecking their stolen cars, and remaining at the crime scene, kids have taken away the suspenseful chases Americans have grown to enjoy. And goodness knows we just cannot embrace a killer who does not give us a slow speed highway chase. Of course, kids who kill now are too young to remember that O.J. did it (the chase, that is) and got acquitted. First they don’t think it through, and then they do it wrong. That’s even more reason to punish them.

Some people, mostly stay-at-home moms in the state of California, feel that these children deserve a break, claiming that there are certain factors that contribute to their delinquency. They say kids who kill obviously have other things going on in their lives. What could possibly be so bad to make these kids have to kill? So, they have an absent father. Most people want to get ride of both of their parents and these kids are complaining because they have a head start over everyone else? They go on to blame deviant behavior on learning disorders. Everybody has episodes where their mind goes blank. Why should we treat these kids special? If they really do need help then why aren’t they in a special school?

To explain it further, people say that kids who kill most likely have low IQs. If that’s the case then they really need to be in prison. If they’re not smart, how can they possibly function in society? Then, of course, there’s the self-esteem issue. They say the kids feel unloved and abandoned. Right. That totally makes it ok to kill someone. Look, everyone has issues. Why are the problems that these kids have deemed “mitigating circumstances,” and everybody else’s problems are called “grounds for therapy”?

Why is everybody being so sensitive? Prison won’t harm these kids who are hardened by life on the streets. If anything, it will help them. In prison, they will have nothing but time to learn to read and write. That’s good for them! They will learn how to mac license plates and Big Macs. That’s good for us! They’ll be able to stay in shape with all the exercise they’ll get to do. They can stay up on popular trends by watching MTV and BET during dining hours. They will be able to express themselves artistically with the aid of tattoos. What we are calling prison is like a resort to them.

The type of kids who murder others will have no problems adjusting to prison life. Most of them came from troubled backgrounds, mind you, so they will probably feel right at home. They may even reunite with family members. And aren’t we always pressing for family values? These juveniles will meet tried and hardened criminals, lifelong connections, who can teach them the ins and outs of any trade they want to pursue: drug trafficking, grad theft auto, money laundering, you name it. And all they have to do to get into this special university is shoot the 7-Eleven clerk for a free slurpee.

We claim that violent children are bad for our society, yet when they are violent, we are hesitant to punish them. For some reason, Americans choose to grow hearts. Sure, we love them, care for them, and drug them up to calm them down, but one day we will have to let them go. Some of them have overstepped their bounds within the juvenile justice system. They have to move up some time. These kids are young, impressionable, and flexible. They will bounce back. Maybe after prison they will know how to commit crimes the right way and not get caught.

R.I.P. Heavy D

2011-11-08T18:31:00.000-06:00

He was only 44. I don't wanna be in denial about every celebrity that dies, but I'm really sad about this. I can't even begin to eulogize him, so I won't try.

R.I.P. Heavy D. 1967-2011

Which Comes First...?

2011-11-08T09:29:00.001-06:00

I have four brothers and two dads, but only one mother. Growing up I thought I was a "daddy's girl," but that's totally false. I am, and have always been My Mama's Daughter. I love the relationship I have with my mother. No one rides for me like she does. Sometimes I wonder if my relationship with my future daughters will be anything like the one I have with my mom. That always leads me to wonder, which comes first: the mother or the daughter?

My mom is... interesting -- in a good way. It's difficult for me to sum her up in this space. You kinda just have to know her. She's witty and sophisticated, but she's relatable. Ok… Maybe sometimes she is crass, but that's part of her charm. My friends like her. Lots of things made her who she is. I know for sure her relationship with her mom wasn't like mine with her. In a way that only she can, without being all emotional and overly affectionate, my mother manages to convey support and wisdom. She did so even through my annoying teen years when I didn't seem to be listening.

I hear my mother in my head a lot and she comes out often when I speak. She's not a girly girl and never really bought me lacy dresses, purses, lipgloss, etc. My hair was never combed. She never babied me. So now… I tend to care more about comfort than appearance and I usually say what's on my mind. I wonder if mom was just being who she is or if she deliberately made decisions based on the kind of person she wanted me to be.

I am dynamic. I'm mostly practical but I'm also a little whimsical. I'm wildly ambitious, but also a little lazy so I procrastinate. I'm not easy to offend, but I can be pretty sensitive. I am who I am as a result of my experiences. And though my mother wasn't around for all of them, a lot of those experiences are the result of my upbringing and therefore a result of my mother's experiences.

I think.

See… I wonder who daughters become when they become mothers. Sounds silly when I say it aloud… But I mean… Will my experience as a daughter affect how I mother my daughters more than my experiences as a woman? Will I spend time trying to change the things I disagreed with in my childhood? Will mom's voice be louder in my head than my own when I have to talk to my daughter about things like heartbreak? Will I be a different daughter when I am a mother?

Relax, readers... I am not pregnant. I am just thinking, pondering. Of course, I could just go ask my mother, and I will, but where's the fun in that? I'd love to hear what you think.

Jeremy Austin-Richard Hill

2011-10-22T09:25:00.000-05:00

Fourteen years ago today, my third brother was born. He's my mom's son, and he looks a lot like Dad.

He was born when we lived in New Mexico. He is the baby, but you can't tell him that. I had a dream when I was an only child that I was a teenager playing football with two younger boys. When Mom met Dad (a football coach) and had Daryl, I thought, "Hmmm..." Then we moved to New Mexico (for football) and the second boy was born, I had proof of my clairvoyance.

Or... Maybe that was proof that Jeremy is special. He's meant to be here. Mom was the only other mother who gave birth in that hospital that day when he was born. He looked like one of those 9-month-old "newborns" on tv shows: smooth and solid from day one. He's still smooth and solid, the perfect balance to my anxiousness and Daryl's passiveness.

But he is still a lot like me. He's always been tough. He's fanatic about his tennis shoes. He likes candy -- a lot. He's silly. He likes to match every color on every garment the way I used to. He talks too much, but so did I. He is the fourteen-year-old version of me that I didn't know when I was fourteen and that is very cool. He's my baby.

I have always, will always love my third brother. Happy Birthday, Moochanina!

R.I.P. Al Davis

2011-10-08T09:00:00.000-05:00

Say what you will, the Raiders wouldn't be the Raiders without Al Davis. Love him or hate him, Al Davis was a boss and he contributed greatly to the game and our team.

Rest in peace.

1929-2011

R.I.P. Steve Jobs

2011-10-05T21:02:00.001-05:00

So glad we go to have you on Earth as long as we did.

1955-2011

Terrible Tuesday: Tuck Fwitter

2011-07-05T13:30:00.004-05:00

I've said it before: I enjoy Twitter. It gets me through long shifts at work, it gives me interesting articles to read, it inspires me to write. I like the people I follow. [Mostly.] They're like my favorite drinking buddies. It's great. However… In all its glory, Twitter provides a platform to people who don't deserve one, leaving me to throw up my hands, "grrring" at no one in particular. And so… I present to you 5 types of people who make me want to say, "Fuck Twitter."

1. Those who want to tell you what you should be tweeting about.

It is utterly exhausting to be deep ALL the time. It is super hard to eulogize every celebrity who dies, send public prayers for every disaster, and be outraged at every injustice. Yes, people are dying all over the word, but what does that have to do with me watching Real Housewives of USA flip tables and defiantly tell each other, "You're not my friend!" Why can't I be conscious and watch girls argue on Bad Girls Club? Know what? I can. And I will. Don't tell me what to tweet about.

2. Those who think they can dictate who should tweet.

OK… It is a little awkward to see older family members on Facebook. I think I'd be mortified if my Sweet Auntie Tonda discovered Twitter. However, I wouldn't tell her not to tweet. My desire to keep her away has more to do with me not wanting a bunch of "How do I re-tweet?!??!!??!?!??" and "coco,,, can I put pics on this?????!?!!!!!!!" tweets than me thinking she's too old to partake. I saw someone tweet "If you're over 27, you have no business on here." Really? So… I only have 2 years left to tweet. What'll I do? Whatever. To that kid, I'd say, "Go open a book."

3. Those who think you can't tweet a lot and have an awesome life

It is true that when you're out having a lot of fun, you're not thinking about tweeting. Further… If I had hella fun the night before, I'm not going to come back and tell my followers what went down. Only lames spend hours on Friday nights tweeting about "hoq drunk rhey r @ tjis bar" (from the web, or course). However, there are people who have more than 100,000 tweets that I'm sure have great lives. Some people are conversationalist multitaskers who use Twitter as a medium to comment on life. I can get on board with that. If you can't, you might be missing the point of Twitter.

4. Those who go to bat for celebrities.

So… A while ago… I offended a bunch of Jennifer Hudson's fans when I tweeted that it was amusing to watch Oprah's staff try not to cuss about her leaving Chicago in a storm to go to Dallas the night before her appearance on the show. These fans were all in my mentions calling me a hater and telling me that she made it right with Oprah and she had to work and I just wanna be her and blah and blah and blah some more. The thing is… I don't care about Jennifer Hudson. I was commenting on a tv show I was watching. You will never see me personally attack a celebrity. I don't know those people. AND I would never go so hard to personally defend someone who isn't family or isn't paying me. Some overzealous fanatics should realize that.

5. Those celebrities who RT criticism in order to galvanize their minions.

In the previous situation, Jennifer retweeted another tweet expressing disapproval at her unprofessionalism and called the chick a hater. Now… Jennifer could have easily ignored that tweet. She didn't have to call attention to it. But she did. And while her fans stepped in, she stepped back. It's crap. I see it often. We get it, you're famous, people like you a lot. But uh… Go massage your ego outside of my bubble.

I won't be getting off Twitter any time soon. Getting all this out has made me feel better already. If you want to, follow the blog @nicolebethinkn. (But only if you're not one of these 5 people.) =]

Section 80

2011-07-02T10:43:00.000-05:00

I thought the best money I could ever spend would be when I got my KitchenAid, Dyson, and Sleep Number bed, but that DOM and this is making me think that I spent the best $15 I'll ever spend on music this week.

GET IT.

Chicks and Flicks

2011-06-30T19:27:00.000-05:00

Amber Rose for Complex

So… There is this website that I would rather not endorse that is notorious for starting (mostly false) shit and posting leaked and/or doctored pictures of celebrities. This site always claims to have a "SUPER-DUPER-RELIABLE" source deep in whoever's "camp." Well, recently some "reliable" source sent this site some graphic pictures of Amber Rose supposedly sent to Nicki Minaj's boyfriend.

Amber used Twitter to explain that the 2-and-a-half-year-old pictures got into the hands of a former employee by dishonest means and sent them to blog sites. Not intended for anyone's boyfriend (except probably her own), the pictures were on her laptop, which this former employee used frequently. She says she wouldn't leak pictures like this because she "[has] so many young girls that look up to [her]" (@DaRealAmberRose).

Immediately after the site posted the pics, the judgment began. Some comments:

"Amber rose just like the typical hoe... Claims 2b a role model but she a whole slutbucket out here if she had brains she would b dangerous."

"#NothingsMoreIrritating than Wiz & Amber Rose relationship."

"that hoe probably has aids"

"once a whore always one. I mean wasn't she a stripper?"

"why wife that ho? She has absolutely no loyalty nor any pride."

"THIS CHICK IS A WASTE OF SPACE ON THIS PLANET. SHE BRINGS NOTHING TO SOCIETY BUT A RECYCLED IMAGE."

I couldn't go any further after that last one, but they go on and on and on AND ON. Just last week these same people were probably complimenting her spread in KING magazine. These people criticizing her looked at the pictures. Everybody wants to see them so why are they judging? Because she's famous for who she's dating? Because her shoes are better than yours? Because she doesn't have long ass weave and dudes still like her? Oh, you think she leaked them? So? Have you invested any money in her? Tell us why you're really mad.

Society has a huge problem with women and sex. Men (and some women) want to be able to pay prostitutes and enjoy strip clubs, but they sit and judge these women. And the "if she's a stripper, she must be a whore" thing irritates me to no end. I hate that. If a woman takes her clothes off for entertainment, both men and women immediately assume that she is open to any and all lascivious acts. Society takes away her worth and demeans her and it's all good because she "demeaned herself" for their entertainment. So because some men lack the self control and maturity to be aroused by a woman without feeling like they have to possess her, and because some women lack the gumption to be as free as she is, she must be lost?

Thing is… Amber didn't even take these pictures for your entertainment. They weren't for a porn site and she didn't release them herself. People like to say that celebrities leak pics like this for publicity, and maybe some do, but Amber is losing money as a result of this incident, so I doubt she put them out and made up some gossip so people will pay attention to her. People point out that she was a stripper and she's posed nude in magazines, but as someone who has unapologetically sent nude pictures (sorry dad), I recognize that these pictures convey a level of intimacy that she doesn't have in her work. I totally understand why she feels violated despite her having been photographed in the buff for artistic purposes before.

And don't even get me started on the "role model" business.

Half the people with shit to say want to be her or want to have sex with her. Calling this woman a ho, insinuating that she must have an STD, and proclaiming her uselessness on this planet are all signs of jealousy and hate because none of those statements can be verified. It's unfortunate that these people can have such strong feelings against someone they've never met. That's a little dangerous.

Let that woman live. Don't sit and act like you're innocent, like you're not out here fornicating, clubbing and drinking, and slipping up sometimes. If what she's doing disgusts you SO much, then be glad you don't know her and don't have to be around her. AND you don't even have to look at the pictures. But the negatively and jealousy is bothersome and it shows that there are a lot of weak-minded people out here sitting behind keyboards…

Updated While We're Talking about Beyonce...

2011-06-29T10:00:00.003-05:00

Back when I realized that I couldn't call myself a Beyonce fan anymore, I got all nervous that somehow I was losing apart of myself (or some crazy quarter-life crisis bull) and I decided to immerse myself in Beyonce to find out what happened (similar to the way I tried to understand Kat Stacks…) I discovered some things in the process.

For one… Her diehard fans are ridiculous. They can't see her objectively at all. They don't listen to music; they listen to HER music, and that seems to snatch their ability to think analytically. They believe her lyrics, print them out, bind them, and regard them as holy. It's hard to read reviews written by these fans because they call her "ahead of her time" right before they compare her to some old artist. They post "BEYONCE IS THE GREATEST, BITCH," on threads about the wackest songs for no reason and with no supporting evidence. At numerous points in this process I tried to use logic on this group thinking maybe they had a reason to love her so much, like blood relation or blackmail. But I was met with, "SHUT UP BEYONCE HATER. SUCK DICK!!!" (How rude…)

Also… It has become very popular for pretentious black folks of the upper-20something set to be "over" Beyonce, which makes it hard to read anything on Twitter about her. She has become a pop icon whose lyrics aren't quite deep enough for the Ledisi-loving elite and her image isn't real enough for #teamnatural. She seems to sing songs for a young and foolish group of club-going, single hoodrats and we have no idea who she really is because she is whoever is hot at the moment. Sure, that's slightly troublesome if you like music the way I do, but for this group it's a lynch-able offence. Being an educated 25-year-old and admitting you might like a Beyonce song is ensuring you won't get invited to the next tweet-up some forward-thinking complaining conference.

Ultimately, I found that there are those of us in the middle who are indifferent to Beyonce for no other reason than that we grew up. Her music is like playing dress up. You shouldn't really enjoy it past a certain age, but when you are that age it makes you feel grown up and/or sophisticated. But every once in a while, I do need to try on some shoes I don't plan on buying to make me feel better. So yeah... same general idea…

The original purpose of the exercise was to pinpoint when I gave up on Beyonce. After listening to her entire catalog in one sitting and then repeatedly over a week and a half, I think it was when I noticed that she seemed to be making music just to make money. My favorite artists are a mixed bag. Some are icons and some are underground favorites, and they all want to make money, but they all seem to reeeally love music. I reeeally love music. Beyonce seems to really love Jay-Z, spending money, and bragging about how she's been the best at "this" since fifteen.

Anyway… She released four versions of her last album, I Am…Sasha Fierce: a double album, with 6 songs on each "side;" two deluxe editions, with 4 new songs; and a platinum edition that added a couple songs, remixed others, and put them all on one disc. Don't even get me started on the tour album and DVDs… And she has said that she recorded 72 songs for 4, while only 12 made the album. (Mo' money…) It's also interesting to note that her artistic influences aren't difficult to find, as they are usually replicated in her songs, videos, and performances. Moreover, despite all her artistic effort and crazy outfits, in retrospect, her albums aren't that different from the others on the charts she tops each time.

After this little self study, I can rest assured that it's not me, it's her. (And y'all can rest assured that there won't be another Beyonce post for a very long time.) My musical tastes haven't tragically deviated so much as Beyonce's music has not truly evolved. And that's ok. Beyonce has been able to fly straight, ride whatever wave is up at the moment, and turn herself into an icon. Who can be mad at that?

*Updated* She DOES care! I watched this short documentary and I sorta feel 14 again. I disagree with the exec who says 4 doesn't sound like anything else, but I am sooo happy to know that there is a person inside the Beyonce robot. Watch:

It's Not You; It's Me

2011-06-29T09:00:00.002-05:00

I arrived too early. I sat nervously stirring the ice in my water thinking maybe I could create a wave and let it swallow me.

"We need to talk," were the words. The days had been lonely and long enough to create an impressively large gap between us. "I love you," had been the bridge, but neither of us dared to cross it anymore. This meeting wasn't a surprise.

Our eyes met and immediately rejected each other. I returned focus to my water as if to erase the sighting.

Only I noticed the offensive noise the chair opposite mine made when its legs weren't allowed to pick their feet up from the floor to move.

"Oh, hey," The overly polite waitress came back before my displeasure was able to linger.

"Jack and Coke, please." She'll have it right out.

There was a smile, awkward, unmoving.

"Let's cut the bullshit." Words spewed onto the table.

"I think we need to see other people. Or… at least not each other.

We don't make each other happy.

We're always apart anyway. It would just be easier if we didn't have to worry what the other is doing.

I want to receive random indecent text messages in the middle of my morning workout.

I want to go at a moment's notice to where ever 'there' is.

I need someone who understands my job, supports me, and wants to be a part of my world.

I don't want to feel obligated to have sex with you.

Sometimes I want to lie naked in the dark trying to clear my mind and count the revolutions of the ceiling fan -- without you touching me.

I want the kind of peace that comes when you're not on my mind, when I don't feel accountable to you.

I don't want to feel so broken when I'm supposed to be one with you."

A hand on a hand. A tear on a cheek. The room was spinning. My ice had stopped.

It's hard to see through dingy rose-colored glasses. I couldn't quite put my finger on the feeling that came with taking them off. Pain? Relief? Sadness?

Suddenly suffocating, I stood up and took a breath from air that seemed untainted by the muck of words on the table.

I looked down at the unrecognizable face that remained at the table. I hoped my eyes apologized for my rudeness as I turned around and left.

On Republicans

2011-06-28T18:27:00.000-05:00

I was watching Oprah Behind the Scenes. I must admit, I haven't been a fan of Oprah's show for a very long time. I haven't been able to relate to most shows. And that's still the case. But Behind the Scenes is VERY interesting. There's something about watching Queen Oprah sit at this beautiful desk with Stedman's glamour shot on it... Something humanizing about hearing this black woman who brand is both her own and 100% co-opted by white people exclaim in her "black" voice, "I ain't sleepin' outside!" Of course, she's still "on," but it's refreshing.

Anywho… There's an episode about her most recent George W. show. She had him on back in 2000 (and probably voted for him them.) Realizing the power of her influence, she makes a point to note that she has voted republican as many times as democrat. That got me wondering if I'll ever be able to say the same. After all… My grandmother is a registered republican, has been my whole life. My grandpa's favorite president was "Tricky Dick." And even though it rained for a week as if the whole Bay Area was crying after he won in 2004, I felt super bad for W. when he was booed at his inauguration and when dude threw that shoe at him.

There's something to be said about both someone who holds on to her/his convictions (no matter how ridiculous) AND someone so savvy as to make money off ridiculous convictions. Why wouldn't vote republican? I mean… I wouldn't elect Sarah Palin president of a kindergarten class, but who's to say there'll never be a worthy republican?

Eh… I guess it doesn't really matter. Even when I become The Nicole Marie Williams, my influence won't touch Oprah's. It's just nice to see someone who participates in the process that way. If we all voted for the "best" man and not just the one who had the prettiest buttons, or talked the most shit about his opponent, then our country may head in a different direction...

From the Westside, With Love II

2011-06-28T09:00:00.001-05:00

Get it. Now.

4 the Love of Beyonce

2011-06-27T13:00:00.001-05:00

A while ago I realized that maybe I had outgrown Beyonce's music. And I know… That's not a big deal. But as a loyal Destiny's Child fan, the thought of not supporting "one of my own" is worrisome. (And, yes, I was looking for that Anjel release, and I support Kelly and Letoya in their solo endeavors. No comment on Michelle.)

So imagine my horror when Beyonce released some wack singles. After the third one, I was willing to admit to myself that I'm no longer a fan. I was prepared to ignore 4 the same way I had ignored I Am… That is… until a tracklist surfaced and I saw an Andre 3000 feature… (and y'all know how I feel about 3 Stacks…) Officially, 4 doesn't come out in the United States until tomorrow, but here are the thoughts of someone who's been unofficially listening to it for too long...

"1 + 1" - I'm not feeling this ballad that much. I missed the "American Idol" performance , but I saw the rehearsal footage. It's a very sweet song, but I can't get past the high YOUs and TWO. Every time I've attempted to listen to it, I only get about 45 seconds in and I skip it. That'll probably always be the case.

"I Care" - I liked the beat immediately, and eventually the whole song grew on me. It sounds nice in the car. And the other day I was riding down I-24 and caught myself singing the lyrics as loud as I could. That's always a plus.

"I Miss You" - I immediately liked this. This is the Frank Ocean song that I was waiting to hear back when the wack stuff was leaking. As I was bashing "Who Run the World (Girls)" with Michelle and was completely distracted when this started. For me, Frank Ocean lives up to his hype and this song doesn't disappoint at all.

"Best Thing I Never Had" - This is her second single. I'm not really a fan of it. I played it for Michelle and asked her to tell me who wrote it. (Weird question, but this is what we do…) The first writer to pop up was Ne-yo. But no. Babyface. I've been saying for a while that Ne-yo is this generation's Babyface. HOWEVER… Babyface should not sound like Ne-yo. That's all I'll say about that.

"Party" (feat. Andre 3000) - I saw Andre 3000 and I was thrilled. But… the song is kind of boring. It has a nice little groove though. The problem is that the groove doesn't really go anywhere. A minute feels like forever. I found myself wondering if maybe Andre wasn't on the song. And his verse is cool, but it's nothing to write home about. I can't really see myself playing this a lot.

"Rather Die Young" - This is a solid song and she sounds nice. But it kind of sounds a little 90s (which feels a little weird to say). There's nothing special about it. I feel like I've heard it before and don't really want to hear it repeatedly.

"Start Over" - I love this song. It's the first Beyonce song I've been able to relate to in what feels like forever. I played it 3 times in a row (and might have sent a text or 2 after…)

"Love on Top" - I skip this song almost immediately. It's probably not that bad, but this whole time I've had it, I have not been able to listen to this song. "Cheesy" comes to mind when the music starts. I don't know why, but I can't get on board with it.

"Countdown" - This is a cute little song. It's kind of a mix between "Get Me Bodied" and "Green Light." It's Beyonce's "I-love-my-man-I-have-a-lot-of-money-and-I-wanna-dance" song. It's cool and it works for her.

"End of Time" - This is another of the weak songs that leaked, but I will say that it benefits greatly by being placed after "Countdown." The more I hear it, the more I feel like marching. I still don't like the song as a whole. I like the instrumental and ad libs much more than the verses.

"I Was Here" - This is a Diane Warren song. I only know who she is because I listen to NPR, but you've been singing her songs for years. Google her. Anyway, this is a nice song, though I doubt anyone will ever forget Beyonce was here. This would have been a good way to end the album.

"Who Run the World (Girls)" This song is wack, but I like the video. There's not much to add to that.

I don't really want to get into the "bonus songs." I have a bigger issues with those… So I'll give this a B- mostly because it's Beyonce. I only listen to 4 songs all the way through on the whole album and they are neither the singles nor the Andre 3000 feature I was excited about. I think the flows well, though I do think that "Who Run the World (Girls)" should have come before "I Was Here." The way it is now makes the song seem like it doesn't fit. But that's beside the point… Since I've been listening to a lot of Beyonce recently, I can hear some progress. Her influences are more musical and she is singing more fully than she has on previous albums. None of these songs are singles for me. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. As a whole, I think this is solid.

It's Not Me; It's You

2011-06-22T14:55:00.002-05:00

How does the saying go...? "Give him too much rope, he'll hang himself..." I can't testify to the validity of that statement, but I can say that I tend to give my significant others a significant amount of space. I thought it was a good thing. Yet... here I am, as single as can be.

It's not that I don't enjoy time with my mate. I definitely do. I can be incredibly affectionate. Sometimes I absolutely crave a good cuddle. But... There are times when I just want to be left alone. Or maybe I want him around for company but I don't want to get all... "touchy feely." Perhaps I'd rather be with the girls. I assume there are times when he feels this way to. I'm okay with that. So I let the proverbial rope go.

I encourage my significant others to spend time with their friends, on their own, or... however. At first men love this: "Man... My ex was ALWAYS around. I couldn't go ANYWHERE. You're AWESOME." They go out, have their fun, and I'm always there when they return. It's the perfect set up — at first...

Things eventually go bad. Men start having conversations with themselves, wondering what I'M doing. Dudes have perceived my courtesy as lack of concern. One thought my alone time was a symptom of depression. Another thought I HAD to be cheating because I value "dates" I make with my best girl friends. Yet another broke up with me because he was SURE I no longer wanted to be with him (and he never thought to talk to me about it). And don't even get me started on the unfaithful one...

These dudes hanged themselves... Couldn't take the responsibility that comes with freedoms... For me freedom and space do not oppose accountability and commitment. I am able to be a better mate when I am able to spend time with myself. I cook better. I'm wittier. I say "yes" more. I love better. That's not a trick. I'm not hiding anything. There's no one else. I promise.

Take this rope. Please don't kill yourself.

Daryl Zachary Hill

2011-06-19T11:40:00.008-05:00

16 years ago today my second brother was born. He is my mother's son and I think he looks like me.

Some time in third grade, my parents took me to Fresh Choice (the restaurant where I heard all of life's bad news at that age) and told me I was going to have a little brother. I'm not sure I was thrilled at first, but eventually I was. I did my science fair project on "how babies are made." When he came I fell in love with that little pink, peeling, awkward thing. He smiled for me first, laughed for me only. Slept in my room, shared his baby food with me.

He is a dreamer. I'd love to harness his creativity (if I can ever get him to display it in full…) Most of the time I think he's nothing like I was at 16. He's not thinking about college, sometimes he's too quiet, I'm scared of his driving... But then he cracks a joke or starts humming and I see myself. He's sarcastic, witty, goofy.

He quit me when he discovered cartoons and then girls, but that's ok. He marches to his own drum. I'd do anything for that tall, handsome young man.

I have always, will always love my second brother. Happy Birthday, Dzach!

Why I Write

2011-06-10T21:51:00.001-05:00

So... My mom called me the other day about my Beyonce/Shakespeare post. She didn't understand my position, which is cool. But she petulantly proclaimed, "You only write for yourself!" It bothered me because in the seven years I've been writing this blog my mother has read maybe seven posts. My inner rebellious 16 year old told me, "You certainly don't write for her…" and fidgeted awkwardly…

Being misunderstood is nothing new to me, but it always stings more when it's from my mother about my writing. But really… What's so bad about writing for my myself? When I started this blog in 2004, it was intended to document a pivotal time in my life. It grew into an outlet to help me deal with my crazy ass roommates and a dramatic boyfriend. Eventually it became the way I conversed with the world because for a while I was only talking at work.

Now it's a mix of all those things. Mostly I write to work through a question or issue I have. Sometimes I write a post that's a continuation of a conversation I had or keep having. Other times I need to vent. I share my favorite music, blogs, glasses, whatever. But there is never a time when I sit down to write this blog that I am writing for someone else. Even if I edit a piece or sit on it a while because I think it may read too angry, it's because I think so. (I already know other people do.)

This blog is mine. I haven't had anything as long as I've been writing this. I write because I want to. I write what I want to. I write for me. I think it's best that way. If you read something here and relate to it, hate it, agree with it, think I'm crazy because of it, AWESOME. I welcome all that if it leads to a good conversation. (And by that I mean I'll probably be talking about you later…)

As a scholar, I write by assignment and that is often enjoyable to me. But this space is my own and I will not apologize for that. (Gotta love The Legendary Roots Crew...)

Beyonce is Shakespeare

2011-05-19T21:37:00.001-05:00

So... some time last week I tweeted:

No... I have not lost my mind.

I was reading random things about her new album and it occurred to me that I am not looking forward to it. Like... No plans to listen... no download plans... Her single, "Run the World (Girls)," is hella wack. I felt a little ashamed that I had fallen off the bandwagon somewhere. I mean... I AM a Beyonce fan. I grew up on Destiny's Child. (Shoot... if girls today had some kind of Destiny's Child, they'd be more productive and confident.) I defended Beyonce's horrible acting in Goldmember. I purchased Dream Girls (even though I haven't watched it since theaters...) But though I continue to defend her against haters and dick riders alike, I never actually listened to I Am...Sasha Fierce. Ever. I didn't even try to. I mocked her performance in Obsessed and absolutely refuse to watch her in Cadillac Records. (I do not care what you say. I draw the line at Etta.) How can I really call myself a Beyonce fan now?

In an attempt to find the chasm that claimed my fandom, I embarked on a Beyonce self study. I spent about a week listening to hers and Destiny's Child's discographies in chronological order. I already sorta think in song, but I began to think in Knowles. Dumb shit like "diva is a female version of a hustla" began to make sense to me. So on that Thursday as I'm curling my hair and Beyonce calls, "All my single ladies!" knowing that she's not single and that song was written by a man, it hit me: Beyonce is as close to a Shakespeare as anyone in my brothers's generation will see.

This isn't a really deep statement. Eh... it is, but it isn't. It was my brain's attempt to put me back into some intellectual space, to contextualize Beyonce in my current life and not my life at 16. But if you think about it... Beyonce is ridiculously prolific and not everything she releases is worthy of high praise but she gets it anyway. Most of her songs aren't deeply personal. In 100 years, you won't be able to look at any of her albums as a reflection of her state of mind. Further... A lot of her biggest hits, the songs you reference when you think "Beyonce," aren't hers. They're collaborations or songs she threw her name on. I don't know about you, but all that makes me think of Shakespeare.

Hopefully y'all don't still think I'm crazy... I'll be writing about my Beyonce fandom a little closer to her new album's release as I gather my thoughts on my emersion... Just... go easy on me between now and then... If I tweet something crazy like "Beyonce did more to shape my feminism than Audre Lorde," don't shoot me. For... I'm just an Independent Woman (Part 1) thinking about my Bills, Bills, Bills...

Khaylan Aaron Williams

2011-05-10T13:26:00.000-05:00

19 years ago today, my first brother was born. He is my father's son and he looks just like Bigmama.

I don't remember my reaction when I found out about him. My first memory of him is one of his first birthday parties. I remember when my mom took me to see his mom in the little apartment over by the lake. And I remember the first time they left.

I was young that first time. In my mind there was just me anyway. I wasn't too affected when this new baby was suddenly gone. But it was totally different when they came back. They lived with my dad so I got to see him more often. We played together, ate together, stayed up late together. I remember walking with his mom to pick him up from Anna Yates Elementary. We bonded. He called me "Sister" like it was my name. In his way, he taught me about sibling pride. I had a brother.

Then they were gone again. That was rough.

There have been numerous times over the 14 or so years since I last saw him that my thoughts have turned to him . We talk about him often: "Remember when Khaylan…?" "Were you there when I took Khaylan to Walmart?" "Man I miss KK." "When is he coming home?" His birthday is exactly one week after mine. I can't think about myself without thinking about him.

Over the years, life has happened. Luckily Facebook happened, too. Recently I found Khaylan on there. It was emotional for me. I have lots of questions. I'm disappointed by a lot of what he was told and how he thinks things happened. I'm pissed that when he needed his Sister, I could be there. But… personal bullshit between his parents aside, I hope he knows that he has a whole family that misses him.

I have always, will always love my first brother. Happy Birthday, Khaylan!

LaMonte Akil Williams

2011-05-09T13:02:00.012-05:00

11 years ago today, my last brother was born. He is my father's son. He looked a lot like Tonda as a baby, but he looks more and more like his mom as he gets older.

Fourteen is an interesting age, especially for girls. Teenage drama was elevated when I found out my dad's too-young girlfriend was having a baby. I was not happy. At all. But whatever ill feelings I have for his mom melted away when I met Monte.

He is the coolest kid. He does his own thing. All he requires is a McChicken and Judge Joe Brown reruns. He'll play with you, but he doesn't want you in his stuff. And when he's done playing, he bounces. Don't get it twisted, though. He's sweet and affectionate. When I had chicken pox, he laid with me everyday. His hugs (and all of Quentin Tarantino's movies) helped me more than the meds.

He came early -- too early -- and he will need someone for the rest of his life. Our father is 100% committed to him and that's a great thing to see. One day Daddy won't be able and I'll step in and flex my SuperSister muscle.

I have always, will always love my last brother. Happy Birthday, Monte!

Hell of a (Quarter)life

2011-05-03T13:42:00.009-05:00

I turned 25 today. It's really weird. My birthday always sneaks up on me and I always forget to plan something. Sad part is that I remind people that my birthday is May 3 and then I forget around April 29. Luckily I have Michelle, who didn't forget and is kidnapping me and taking me to see Sleigh Bells. =]

(Big thank you to everyone who gave birthday wishes or spent any amount of time with me today! Y'all are super great.)

Anywho… 25 years seems like a big a deal. I don't have any "never thought I'd make it" stories, but I do feel great to be this age. I don't want to be any younger or older. I'm just very glad to have had such a great 25 years. Usually I spend birthdays thinking of people I lost young or those who died young. (Dude… I'm the same age Tupac was when he died. Crazy weird to me.) I'll try not to be so morbid this year.

Being perpetually reflective, I feel it's more appropriate for me to look back at the things that happened in 1986, rather than celebrate being 25 in 2011. Looots of great things happened 25 years ago (in addition to my birth), so all year I'll post some odes-to-slash-reflections-on those great things.

If you've spent any time reading my blog, you know that my writing process is crazy (I mean… I didn't around to this blurb until June...), which means, you may have to search for these Nicolebrations. "Turning 25" is the tag and all the milestones will appear on their correct dates. Just work with me people! Lotta shit be going on when Nicole be thinking… =]

"Best" of 2011

2011-04-28T16:07:00.000-05:00

Generally speaking, I don't think it's fair to impose one's superlatives on another. My "Best of..." or "Most..." lists are usually humorous, personal, or not ranked. Music is subjective so it's even harder to give an honest assessment about something everybody loves, especially when your opinion is negative. This becomes even more difficult when you appreciate everyone's hustle. Honest to goodness, I do not listen to Soulja Boy, but I believe there's a place in music for him. *shrug* Sue me.

So... Now that my little disclaimer is out of the way, let's talk about House of Balloons. This is The Weeknd's debut EP and it generated a huge buzz when it was released this March. I resist buzz, but I try to give everything a chance. Good stuff grabs me immediately. If I can rock to it sitting down, I love it. If not, I take it to the car. If I can ride to it, I love it. If I still need to convince myself, I'll listen to it while I'm doing my hair. That solitude helps me hear what I'm listening to. If that doesn't work, I probably won't pick it up again. And that's what happened with House of Balloons.

It is creative. Some of the production is nice. But it's boring. Even my favorite song on the EP is boring. It's what I'd expect to be playing in the background when I'm shopping at a hoity toity boutique. And after a couple songs, I'm done with the drug-induced sex vibe. I'm also not so in love with his voice. Hey... you win some, you lose some...

But I've been seeing people call this project the best of 2011. Along with some other comparisons, that scares me. Aside from my own reluctance to call something "the best," there are better projects out right now. Which leads me to the point of my post (which isn't to bash The Weeknd, despite what it seems)... Here are some things I think you should listen to. You don't have to have to like them, agree with me, admit they're better, none of that... Just listen.

For people comparing him to Drake... Ok. But if you want something closer to the honesty and vibe of So Far Gone, get sailing soul(s) from Jhene Aiko. And if the name sounds familiar, it should. She toured with B2K back in the early 2000s. (Don't front... You were a fan...)

Frank Ocean's Nostalgia/Ultra also got a lot of internet buzz. This is as creative as House of Balloons, but the songs are written well. Even his own drug/sex ode "novacane." Don't let the Odd Future connection throw you off. He's not eating roaches or chasing midgets on a SXSW stage.

If you know me, you know I love J*DaVeY, and their Great Mistapes are extra creative and very sexy. I think Boudoir Synema came out late 09, but Evil Christian Cop was released earlier this year (I'm almost certain).

KING's The Story and Childish Gambino's EP are only 3 and 5 songs respectively, but I'd rather play them on repeat than House of Balloons.

Enjoy. =]

[p.s. The links aren't necessarily links to the projects named... but if you can't navigate those websites, what're you doing here?]

KING - The Story

2011-04-01T22:08:00.014-05:00

I'm a little late to the KING party, but I never want to leave… They are a soulful trio out of Los Angeles who write, produce, and promote their own material. The Story is their debut offering. I don't like to use "perfect" to describe anything, but… this is.

"The Story:" I find myself humming this at random times. It's calming, soothing, reaffirming, and true.

"Supernatural:" The first time I heard the song I smiled and then the horns kicked in. My eyes closed. I went there.

"Hey:" I can't stop playing this song. I have no words for it either. "Beautiful" isn't enough.

It's the best $3 anyone could possibly spend these days… This EP is only three songs, but it's perfect. I can't wait to hear more from them. They've given me everything I didn't even know I was waiting for. Read their story, and buy their EP. You will not be disappointed.

We're All Nola's Darlings

2011-03-21T16:24:00.005-05:00

Earlier today, Shadow and Act pointed out that She's Gotta Have It turns 25 this year (Hey! Me too!). Their post focuses mainly on the strides (or lack thereof) blacks have made in film. Struggles with ratings and sexual representation seem to have dissipated until you reeeally think about… [Shadow and Act challenges us to name Hollywood movies released last year that features blacks being affectionate with blacks. Can you?]

I really like She's Gotta Have It. I was going to watch it after reading Shadow and Act, but I have it on VHS and no longer own a VCR (weird, I know…) I grew up mostly as an only child and movies were my older brothers and sisters. Clueless had me thinking that I'd drive a Jeep, like older dudes, and go to the mall to recover from bad grades (and… well… I do.) School Daze made me believe that college was a magically musical and political place (and… yeah… it sorta is.) Similarly, She's Gotta Have It (though flawed) served as a model of black female strength in relationships.

The movie centers on Nola Darling, a young black woman who is sexually involved with three very different men. Each one wants her exclusively, but Nola insists on doing what she wants and having all three. There's even another woman… All of this seems so very empowering. Nola freely chooses. She "gets hers" when- and where ever she wants to. However… Things aren't all peachy. Yes, Nola chooses, but eventually, she chooses one because that's what he wants. AND she chooses the one who raped her. Nola "gets hers" alright…

I saw this movie at various points in life: first when I was too young for it, and only because Mom told me I couldn't watch it; a little later in high school when I thought I was smart; and in college while trying to grow into my own sexuality. I didn't understand the film the first time (obviously), but I felt very betrayed by Nola when I watched in high school. How could she submit to dude like that? And then choose him? After what he did? Nah. But as I matured, that feeling of betrayal grew into something like shame. It was more "What else could she do…?” less "I would never…"

The truth is… Having sex with men is more politics, less pleasure for black women. We don't "own" our sexuality, and historically never have. These days, women have to walk this line between being the pleasure-hungry vixen a man wants in his bedroom and being the chaste and nurturing matron he wants in his kitchen. And she has to lie about it all -- or risk being typecast on a reality show.

Over the years, I have had some "What Would Nola Do" moments. If She's Gotta Have It taught me anything, it's that women are in a sexual box because men are insecure, hypocritical narcissists. It's the Madonna-Whore complex: we're either Jezebels or Mammies. And we do it to ourselves, too, by listening to the Steve Harveys and Tyler Perrys tell us that black men don't want strong, vocal, and free black woman. They want someone who will make them sandwiches after sex all while singing his praises and carrying a bible, because well… that's our job.

That bullshit aside, I don't want to seem like I'm bashing men or would rather be involved with women. Not even close to that. I don't want to diminish personal responsibility for one's promiscuity either. Rather, I think it should be emphasized. Women should control their sexuality, and be responsible with it, not make excuses for it. Next time he asks "Whose is it?" think, "What Would Nola Do?" and do the opposite: say, "MINE."

Fear of God - Pusha T

2011-03-21T16:00:00.000-05:00

I have to review this because I love the Clipse. I was a little nervous about it because I’m always weary when a part of a unit goes out on his or her own. But I didn't think it would be terrible... Let's see how it went...

Intro: Just a plain Scarface clip. Not too impressive.

My God (prod. Hitboy): The beat builds too slowly and it's not as aggressive as I want it to be.

I Still Wanna (prod. Inkredibles): I feel like I've heard this song before. It has the same Lex Lugar tings that I'm not fond of.

Money on My Mind Freestyle: I don't really have a comment on it. I just don't like it. I skip it too soon.

Feeling Myself (feat. Kevin Cossum, prod. the Bizness): There's nothing particularly wrong with this. It's cool. But if I'm going to be feeling myself… I kinda want to do it to Mac Dre.

Blow/Funk Flex Freestyle (prod. Unknown): I guess it's cool. It sounds like the rest of them at this point. I think it's interesting that he doesn't know who the producer is. It's really good for that producer, though. It's like winning the lottery.

Cook it Down Freestyle: I'm bored before I even hear it. The beat has been used and nothing is particularly special about it here. I'm not in an "I sell coke" mood anymore. And the auto tune? Why?

Open Your Eyes (prod. Nottz): Really like the Queen sample. It's my favorite so far. Kinda sad it took 8 songs to get here… =[

Can I Live Freestyle: It's cool I guess. *shrug*

Raid (feat. 50 Cent, prod. the Neptunes): I like this a lot. But that's almost a given. It's produced by the Neptunes.

Touch It (feat/prod. Kanye West): I like this too. It's really cute, very Kanye.

Speakers Goin Hammer Freestyle: I like Pusha on this beat, but Souja Boy's "bammer bammer bammer" still annoys the hell out of me.

Alone in Vegas (prod. Nottz): This is a really good way to end it. I like the beat. It sounded really nice in my car.

I feel like there's something missing here. A lot of this is the same old weight and money shit. The rest is Till the Casket Drops type maturity. It leaves me feeling like I've heard this before. And I'm not impressed. Sans Malice and Pharrell, this feels kind of lonely to me. Road to Till the Casket Drops was a better mixtape and I didn't even like it.

Overall, it meets the "at least 3 good tracks" requirement, but just barely. Those 3 tracks have a Neptunes beat, a Kanye beat, and a Queen sample. If they sucked, something would be terribly wrong with the world. This skip factor is way too high. It took me 8 songs to get to one I like -- not one I can tolerate; one I like. That's unacceptable for me considering that I love the intro on Lord Willin', "We Got it For Cheap," and "Freedom."

I give it 3 out of 5 stars. Maybe it'll grow on me. My fingers are crossed for a hella good Clipse album in the near future.

OJ Killed Tupac

2011-03-16T15:50:00.003-05:00

My big little brother took the test for his learner's permit. Yes, Daryl wants to drive. It's freaking me out. I remember when he was born. He consumed my life for a while. He slept in my room, I fed him, I changed his diapers. For a while, I was the only one who could make him laugh. He was my little homie. I'm terribly protective of all my brothers. They're all super special, but I have to say that Daryl is a different kind of special. He used to be attached to me.

Now he's old. He's a 15-year-old, 6-foot-tall, girl-loving mini-man. Every time my mom tells me something new, I get really nostalgic like he's my kid or something. But the older Daryl gets, the further I get from one of the most pivotal times in my life (which I guess means I'm getting old). But seriously… About 15 years ago, the world changed completely. And since I'm a little bit of a nerd… In constructing my "memory palace," I tend to refer to this period in my life as the time when "OJ killed Tupac."

Daryl was born in June of 1995, right in the middle of OJ Simpson's murder trial. That trial was the only thing that mattered at that time. We watched on tv at home, listened to it on the radio in the car, discussed when there was no tv or radio nearby. That case made me want to be a lawyer. I was going to be the female Johnny Cochran. I thought OJ was guilty and, though he couldn't understand, I used OJ to teach my brother not to kill white women (I know how that sounds…).

But OJ was acquitted. I was kind of baffled. His acquittal changed my perspective on the law. I still wanted to be a defense attorney, but my motivation became fairness, no longer the celebrity status afforded to trial-of-the-century caliber lawyers. I shrugged it off and moved on to my other loves: music and movies.

When I was 10, I had every 2pac album on tape and I'd seen all his movies (even his cameo in Nothing but Trouble). My parents loved him. He was like my big brother. I was sad when he got shot in 1994, but he lived, so when he was shot in 1996, I thought everything would be ok. Of course, we all know it wasn't. September 13, 1996 was a very weird day, even before I heard he died. I remember not wanting to be at school. I had an icky feeling.

I remember thinking that life couldn't possibly go on. How could Daryl grow up in a world without Tupac? A world where a football player could get away with murder? Eventually I got over it. It's been almost 15 years. Daryl is ok, but life as I knew it did end then. There is an entire generation of kids who never took the plastic off a 2Pac tape, who only see him as some hip hop icon and can't relate to him. These same kids miss the irony of OJ's current prison term, and can't remember his Hertz commercials, don't recognize that tv shows like CSI: wouldn't exist without that trial.

Life is weird like that. In a lot of ways I think pre-1996 life was the best. Perhaps that's why I can't deal with the deaths of people like Heath Ledger, Brittany Murphy, and Nate Dogg. Maybe that's why I spend as much time updating Daryl's iPod as I do my own. I can't allow him to be satisfied with weak stuff without trying to teach him about great stuff.

None of this is to say that the last 15 years haven't been great, but I'm so glad I was born when I was. Being a witness to history is so much more fun than falling into it. When my little homie reaches his next milestone (I will definitely cry when this kid goes to the prom), I'm sure I'll think of this period again. I'll chill with my Isotoner slippers, bumping "Holler If You Hear Me," and think of how lucky I am to know what I know.

Passing

2011-03-16T15:27:00.003-05:00

A while ago, I saw a tweet about someone getting married to a dude who is "passing" for heterosexual. Of course, having just read Nella Larsen's "Quicksand," my mind is in a very interesting place. With people comparing the struggle for equal rights for gays to the Civil Rights Movement, it made me wonder… Is "passing" for heterosexual the same as passing for white?

The benefits of being white in the 1950s were numerous… White people were able to go where ever they wanted to go and enjoy the best accommodations. They didn't get beat for nothing, they didn't have to fear Jim Crow, and they had access to superior health care. Though there were miscegenation laws, they were able to marry freely. Being white guaranteed social acceptance.

Now… It's easy to say that no one has to deal with any of that now, but being straight in 2011 does afford a level of privilege. Homosexuals fight for basic rights that heterosexuals take for granted, such as the ability to marry freely and have legal and health benefits in that partnership. They want social acceptance and don't want to have to deal with hate crimes.

It's pretty easy to see why a black person who is able to would pass for white in the 1950s. Of course… There had to have been an emotional toll and endless criticism from black people who couldn't pass. From my privileged place in history, I have to say the pros associated with such a lifestyle outweigh the cons.

However, I can see much more damaging effects of "passing" for heterosexual. There's the similar emotional toll and criticism from homosexual, and gays also "pass" for social benefit, but there is a level of denial here that's missing from racial passing. Homosexuals who "pass" may not be ready to admit to themselves that they are homosexual. In that case, they aren't really "passing." On the other hand, "down low" homosexuals (that is, those who indulge their homosexual desires while deceiving a heterosexual partner…) bring problems that light skinned black people in the 50s couldn't. Passing for white may have produced "mysteriously" darker skinned progeny, but people weren't dying from a disease acquired from "down low" black people cheating on whites with black people.

Of course, I'm no expert… And I hate comparing struggles. Every struggle is valid to the people living it. However, it looks like in this case, the only people who come out on top are white people. Though some of them like to believe their race is being swallowed by some ominous "minority monster," they still dictate norms and make laws. I mean… even someone successfully "passing" for straight may still face racial discrimination.

I feel like all this is absurd, but it made me think... I'm anxious to know your opinion, though. Can you compare passing for white to passing for straight?

R.I.P. Nate Dogg

2011-03-16T14:49:00.002-05:00

I don't really have a Nate Dogg story. He was just embedded in my childhood, one of those people who isn't supposed to die before me. I'm still in denial. =[

Following are a few of my favorite Nate Dogg features... I probably won't admit that he's gone after this...

Random Thoughts of a Girl on a Plane after a Tsunami Warning

2011-03-11T12:50:00.001-06:00

First of all... I've blamed every natural weather disaster since 2005 on Al Gore. He brought us that inconvenient movie and the globe has been fucked ever since. But maybe it's me. Great flood in Nashville right before my bday in 2010. Haven't been home since 2008 but while I'm here, the coast is on tsunami warning bc of the earthquake in Japan. Mother Nature must be mad at me… (I'll start recycling...)

Now... That's ridiculous, I know. Natural disasters are... well… natural. I guess they just prove that we're not on earth to decide or decipher. Maybe we're only here to deal, do what we're going to do to make the most of everything. I'm ok with that.

Also… It's amazing that something that happened like… 6,000 miles away has an effect on us here. From the plane, the waves are small, though larger than usual. I can see the ripples coming. It makes me feel really small. Not in a bad way. A really humbling, deep way.

So… back to Nashville I go. I don't want to go. This air, this proximity to the ocean, it's intoxicating, inspiring. It causes me to ramble. But I like it.

Ok… flight attendant is telling me to put my shit away. I don't wanna cause a "situation." =|

Fool for You

2011-02-20T00:20:00.002-06:00

I LOVE this song... Like... it makes the favorite of all time list...

That real, that deep, that burning, that amazing unconditional, inseparable love
That feel like forever, that always emotional but still exceptional love
Can’t nobody tell me nothing it is what it is
And any mistake you make I, I just may forgive
Right now, right now at this very moment I still love her like I loved her then
I love her in and out and up and down and round and round and over and over again
So rare they swear that you just don’t exist
And It’s only one person I can think of that makes me feel like this
And I’m a fool, such a fool for you!

That deep, that sweet, that something
That wet that fire, that powerful stuff
That up and that down, that front and that back, baby I can’t seem to get enough
Ooo Baby let me do it, let me do it ’til I’m satisfied
Baby now please baby I ain’t got no more pride
Sweet sugar I surrender, I don’t want no other woman. Baby you win
And you ain’t never got to worry, ever got to worry
You’ll never be alone again
There’s nothing, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
I wrote a song about it mama
Everybody knows who I’m talking to
And I’m a fool, such a fool for you

I’m a fool, I’m a fool, I’m such a fool…

Nella Larsen - Quicksand

2011-02-10T23:45:00.004-06:00

Throughout the novel, Helga digs herself deeper into a hole as she relentlessly pursues fulfillment. Satisfaction escapes her and she can't figure out why. Much of her discontent is a result of a failure to "fit in" anywhere. Such is a common problem of biracial people, or the tragedy of the mulatto. Helga is the result of a white mother and a black father. Her father left her, and she is isolated from the rest of her family, presumably because of her mixed race: "They feared and hated her. She pitied and despised them" (41). Despite being abandoned, she identifies with black people and lives her life among them.

However, Helga sees herself outside of, or even above, black people. She has trouble falling in line with them in Naxos and chooses to associate with black people of status in Harlem. Yet when she returns from Denmark, she admits that she "felt a slightly pitying superiority" over the black people there who were content with their lives.

Indeed Helga sees herself as superior to many groups. During her job search, when she finds that employment at the library requires actual work and credentials, she sarcastically refers to the administration as "erudite" (63). She also felt some indignation at the perception that the girls in the unemployment agency assumed she would automatically take a job that she indicated she needed. Before she is able to recognize her attitude as superiority, Helga attributes it to "the self-sufficient uninterested manner [she] adopted instinctively as a protective measure for her acute sensitiveness, in her child days" (66).

Helga is discontent everywhere she goes, only pleased when things are shiny and new. When she first arrives in Harlem she was impressed by Anne and her friends: "Their sophisticated, cynical talk, their elaborate parties, the unobtrusive correctness of their clothes and homes, all appealed to her craving for smartness, for enjoyment" (75). She envisioned that she would stay there and raise children there. However, "a sensation of estrangement and isolation encompassed her," as she became annoyed that she always has to deal with "the race problem" (79).

She escapes to Copenhagen, "where there were no Negroes, no problems, no prejudice…" and loves it (87). She is accepted by everyone and she doesn't have to address her heritage in the same way as she does in America. But it doesn't last, eventually Helga becomes unhappy with Denmark: "Well into Helga's second year in Denmark came an indefinite discontent" (110). Despite leaving America to avoid race, Helga finds that she misses black people.

In seeking validation in materials, and surroundings, Helga does not take the time for any real soul searching. She believes that "there was […] some other more ruthless force […] which was frustrating her […] kept her from getting the things she had wanted" (44). She never learns to seek validation from herself. Instead, she pities herself. When she gets to Chicago, she put off getting a job right away because she felt she was "due" a vacation (64). Moreover, she dismisses any responsibility in her predicament: "Was there, without her knowing it, some peculiar lack in her? Absurd…" (111).

It would appear that the tragedy of the mulatto at that time is the lack of an acceptable origin. Helga is defensive about her mixed race so she feels and acts like an outsider. She thinks her happiness comes from objects and is therefore unhappy when she gets bored with these objects. She shuns the idea of "soul searching" when it comes to Anne marrying Dr. Anderson, but all along Helga needed to do some soul searching and find herself.

By the end, she has gotten herself into a situation that she can't get out of. Instead of throwing herself into new surroundings, she found religion and got married. By the end, she has five children and can't just pick up and go, but she will never be happy because she never learned how to be. She spent the entire novel falling deeper and deeper into quicksand, seeking freedom from external sources even though her oppression comes from within.

Frances Harper - Iola Leroy

2011-02-10T23:42:00.002-06:00

Having the benefit of time and living in a Southern state affords me an interesting and mixed perspective of Frances Harper's Iola Leroy. The novel was published in 1892 and makes a case against slavery for those who would have been closest to it. Reading it now, the propaganda hits hard, but one of the most interesting things about the story is the use of setting to illustrate the complexity of slavery.

"The South has not been a paradise to you all the time, and I should think that you would be willing to leave it" (203).

This passage illustrates the attitude of many of the characters of the book. From the beginning, the goal of the younger oppressed generation is to move north for freedom. The north is seen as not only a beacon of freedom for the slaves, but also the center for education and culture for the rich, as Eugene has all of his fun there as a young man and Iola and Harry are sent north for school.

On the other hand, the South is representative of antiquated beliefs and amoral behaviors. The novel repeatedly shows that slavery is absurd and the South begins to embody that absurdity. Through Iola's initial defense of slavery because she is a "Southern girl," and the ignorance of Dr. Latrobe, the reader can infer that the South is a place for confused and illogical people.

Before Iola and Harry are made aware of their heritage, the North is painted as a much nicer and accepting place. The North is full of understanding abolitionists when Eugene sends Marie to school. Later, when Robert discovers that Marie is his sister, he tries to convince her to return north, citing the foul treatment she endured as a Southern slave.

However, toward the end of the book, we find that the North isn't as accepting as previously believed when everything is out in the open. It is acknowledged that the same trouble that Marie had trying to be accepted in a southern church, she had at Northern ones as well. Similarly, Iola has trouble keeping a job once her lineage is discovered. Finally, Iola remarks that she has "seen the same spirit manifested in the North" as she saw in the Southern states (231).

The characters begin to realize that the North isn't really a paradise either and that their setting is not ultimately the problem. As with other points in the novel, this change of opinion is indicated early in the story when Iola remarks, "Did not the whole nation consent in our abasement?" (115). Though the novel appears to indict the South for the cruelties of slavery, perhaps the reader should understand that the problem isn't just regional and that simply adjusting one's setting wasn't the key to true freedom.

Being as removed from slavery as I am makes it easy for me to understand that slavery wasn't just a Southern problem. I can see how Harper subtly erases the line between the North and the South. Still, I wonder if readers closer to the time of publication would have had the same reading.

neglect

2011-02-10T23:40:00.000-06:00

It's been so long since I've posted that I wasn't even signed into Blogger anymore... [yikes!] I've been doing other things, reading more than writing. I don't want to promise that this will change anytime soon... BUT I will post my academic papers just to stay in touch.

Right now I'm in a Black Women Writers course and that's where this semester's papers will come from (my other classes won't generate any interesting papers). Generally, we read a novel a week and write a response to it. They are short papers that I generally keep just in case I decide to expand and publish them. SO. They aren't super duper developed. At most, they are conversation starters, and at least you'll know some titles to some awesome books written by some awesome black women. =]

first 2 immediately after this one and the rest as they come -- if I remember (aye! it's hard out here for a working stude-writer...)

5 Best Memories of 2010

2010-12-31T17:10:00.000-06:00

I'm ranking these because, unlike with the other lists, there is a clear favorite. Here you go, best things that happened in 2010:

5. Fourth of July
Independence Day was so memorable because no one actually remembers what happened. We kicked it so hard that by Sunday, the 4th, I was absolutely exhausted. Michelle was working the door at MAI, and I decided to leave and come back when it was over. I left and came back and ended up falling asleep in my car before I could get out and go in. Further… any time we're trying to figure out when something happened we have to ask, "Was that the fourth?" It's kinda bad, but kinda awesome at the same time.

4. Memorial Day
This was the first time we heard "Power." And it was a reeeally random night for a lot of reasons. This makes the list because a nice chunk of inside jokes start with Memorial Day. It's also perfect because I went somewhere I wouldn't have gone and made it an absolute blast.

3. My Birthday Weekend
April 30, 2010 it started raining and didn't stop until some time on May 2, 2010. And so occurred the Nashville Flood of 2010. The third season of The Boondocks premiered on May 2, so for my birthday (May 3) I planned a viewing party because The Boondocks is one of my favorite things. Of course, it didn't go as planned. I ended up playing bartender for my mom. But it was cool. On my birthday, the sun came out and it was really hot. I don't remember a whole lot about that night but I hit a garbage can driving home…

2. LoveNoise Fridays
Me and Michelle had a nice little routine. I was working at Jacksons, she worked the door. She would come to Jacksons every Friday before LoveNoise and I would go to LoveNoise after Jacksons. That weekly routine kept us sane for a while. We came up with certain rules about who can sing what songs (e.g. NO ONE can sing Jill Scott except Jill Scott.), we accidentally went to a Bone Thugs N Harmony concert, and we discovered that there are some clubs that mix your Henn with flat coke from a 2 liter. It was a good time. I kinda miss those nights.

1. Epic Weekend
By far, my favorite thing about this entire year was the EPIC weekend of September 24-26. Friday was the awesome Hispanic Heritage Celebration that Michelle and her coworkers worked SO hard to make happen for most of the year. It turned out really well. Saturday we saw the Nashville Symphony with Michael McDonald. It was beautiful and we discovered that Michael talks just like he sings… Sunday we saw Janelle Monae live with of Montreal. It was… indescribable. It was a really great weekend. We had been planning all of those things for most of the year, but we didn't realize they fell on the same weekend until maybe Tuesday of that week. It worked out perfectly and it's the highlight of an awesome year.

Top 5 Albums in Rotation in 2010

2010-12-31T17:05:00.000-06:00

I love music. (In case you didn't know…) This year has been... ok for music for the most part. I have this playlist called "ShitIUsuallyWantToHear" and it is just what it says… Following are the 5 albums that are always on that playlist:

New Amerykah Part Two (Return of the Ankh) Erykah Badu (March)
When this album came out, I remember realizing that Erykah Badu (whose first album came out when I was a 5th grader) has been the voice of my romantic reason and growth my entire adult life. This album is the first one that was appropriate as soon as it was released (as opposed to me buying it because it sounds good and pulling it out 10 years later after a break up). She is a master at the mini epic. "20 Feet Tall" is simple yet profound. "Agitation" is beautifully calming. "Fall in Love" is my anthem. I'm convinced that "Out my Mind, Just in Time" was written with me in mind.

The ArchAndroid (Suites II and III) Janelle Monae (May)
I've loved Janelle since she was the weird robot girl with the funny hair and riding clothes. And I guess she still is to some people, but she's one of the few true artists putting out music right now. I had been waiting for these suites since the first one came out. Her sound may be a little odd for some people and a lot of the messages in her songs are hidden by this larger story that people also miss. BUT… I was having a shitty day the day I got this album and the album made it 10 times better. Instantly. I can't list songs from this album, because they don't really stand alone. The album is awesome.

How I Got Over The Roots (June)
There isn't a Roots album that I don't like. Honestly. I even love Phrenology. For real. I can't even really explain why this album is always in rotation. Instrumentally it makes me happy. "Tunnel Vision" is probably the happiest :41 I can spend. I love the title track. I listened to it most of the very long way to Chicago and I feel like the album and I bonded.

Culdesac Childish Gambino (July)
Did you know Troy from Community is a rapper? Me neither. But now that I do… Whoa. As a producer he's awesome. Dude rapped over Adele. Adele. And not just any Adele song, but "Melt My Heart to Stone," the most heartfelt, emotional song I wish I wrote on Earth. "I Be on That," "You Know Me," and "Fuck it All" are my favorites on the album. I was salty nobody told me about him sooner, but I'm SUPER glad I know now.

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy Kanye West (November)
I love Kanye West. This particular album was in rotation way before it was released. Not on no bootlegging hype… But because he released "Power" around Memorial Day and then started GOOD Fridays toward the end of the summer. With the release of the mini movie Runaway, the songs that were previously unheard were… well… heard. The lack of surprise and mystique did not stop me from bumping the hell out of this album when I got it. Kanye never disappoints me. "Power" was an anthem until "Monster" came out. "Hell of a Life" is my favorite song on the album. And "All of the Lights" with all of its features makes me really happy.

There are a lot of honorable mentions here. Drake's "Over" is the unofficial summer theme song and "Unforgettable" is awesome because of Jeezy and his "his and her firearms." Jay-Z's first line in "Light Up" makes me smile every time. Then there's Cee-lo's "Bodies" off The Lady Killer. It’s a very sexy song… Who can forget "Fuck You?" I'm not a big Rick Ross fan, but I love "Maybach Music 3," "Live Fast, Die Young," and "All the Money in the World." Believer magazine puts out a CD for its music issue, and this year it was awesome. "Self!" by Deep Cotton, "Have You Ever Made Love to a Weirdo" by Hollyweerd, the "Cold War" remix, and "One" but Joi's band are great songs. Of Montreal's album, False Priest, is really good, but I wasn't bumping it until we saw them live and it had to grow on me. I encourage you to get ALL of the music I've mentioned.

5 Famous Tweeters I Would (or Have) Propose(d) to

2010-12-31T17:04:00.001-06:00

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I love Twitter. It creates a two-way street between celebrities and fans that goes a step past an autograph. Sometimes it does create a really wack "celebrity by proximity" complex for groupies, but for the most part, my experience has been very positive. The experience has been so positive that there is a group of celeb tweeters that I love so much that I would love to marry. Following is a list of famous tweeters that I would (or have) proposed marriage to this year alone:

@questlove.
I've proposed to ?uestlove like… three times. He's a musician AND a music snob. He's a drummer. He's intelligent. He's an #angrybirds fanatic. He's the bomb.

@jozenc.
Jozen writes the blog Until I Get Married, and I love honest, creative men. He's a wonderful hybrid of ethnicities, an intelligent and mature man, and pretty darn cute. I had to create "ethnexy" to describe him.

@MrDonaldGlover.
Troy from Community was already on my "little cutie" radar, but then I found out that Donald Glover is a rapper. I know, I know. Who ISN'T a rapper? But he's actually a good rapper. He raps, produces, writers, acts. Creatively, he's perfect.

@Wale.
I fell in love with Wale back when he put out the Mixtape About Nothing. He connects with his fans (sometimes too much). He has that sexy Maryland accent going. I proposed to him a couple times this year…

@JSmooth995.
Ill Doctrine is one of my favorite sites on Earth. J Smooth is incredibly intelligent and he loves music. He's an NPR commentator. He says what you want to say but makes it sound so obvious, logical, and… academic. I know it's not really a compliment to say someone is articulate, but this man's diction makes me swoon.

Honorable Mention.
I love @BigBoi. He is exactly who you'd think he would be. It's awesome. @MartianLuther guitar-playing, sexy Bay Area denizen with the sexiest arms… Yeah. And @KanyeWest because he's Kanye West. Don't you think it would be fun?

Now… I know it looks like I only like rappers, producers, musicians, and people who write about music, but that's not entirely true. I love smart, creative, and funny men who love music. All these dudes have those attributes. The man I marry will, too. Of course… He may not be famous. Then again… He may be… =]

An open letter to Metro Nashville Public Schools

2010-12-07T11:37:00.000-06:00

(from Gail Hill)

On Monday, December 06, 2010, my son was escorted by police officers upon entering his school and held in the Hillsboro High School auditorium for TWO hours for being TARDY. He missed TWO classes and was made to sign a form affirming a "new" policy that requires him to bring a note for any absences. As far as I know, the note for absences has always been the policy. Further, my son was not absent; he was tardy. My husband was told that this sweep and holding process is a new, district-wide policy. This is a problem! Is it policy for Metro police to be at the school for tardy students? My son is a good student with no discipline problems. My husband, his father, was told he “probably got caught up," implying this is nothing to be concerned about. We should all be concerned! Why are these students being criminalized? If my son has an issue with tardiness, notify me. Don’t waste two hours of a school day sitting in the auditorium waiting for the OK to go to class. Please use some common sense when devising new “district-wide” policies.

In addition, I don’t remember being notified of this new policy. In fact, it appears Hillsboro High School doesn’t even have updated contact information on some of these students. I ask: What is going on?

Gail Hill,
Concerned mother of a 10th grade Hillsboro High School student

An Open Letter to the Belmont University Administration

2010-12-07T11:31:00.002-06:00

(from C. Michelle Wilkerson)

I’m writing to you regarding the recent forced resignation of Ms. Lisa Howe. Until today, I had always been proud of my association with Belmont. I was the recipient of the William Randolf Hearst Scholarship, I was an active member of the student community, and two years ago I graduated with a degree in Entrepreneurship. I cannot believe that the same institution that helped to mold me into the professional I am today is responsible for such a blatant act of bigotry and hate. I am disgusted, at the very least.

As an active alum, I would like to know who is responsible for deciding that Ms. Howe was in some way violating university policy. Who made her feel so uncomfortable that she was forced to resign? I want the persons responsible to step up and be recognized for the bullying bigots that they are. You should be ashamed for what you have done. How do you rest at night knowing that you are the reason that this expectant mother is now without a job?

Apparently, it’s not just the faculty that are being bullied into keeping their mouths shut about their sexuality. The Bridge Builders at Belmont University have tried unsuccessfully to be recognized as an official group as a part of Belmont’s student life. I guess Belmont is not interested in “meeting the needs of those students.”

Dr. Fisher, I hope you recognize that there are many members of your student body that are gay, bisexual, and transgender. What message are you sending to them? Are they no longer welcome on your campus? What about prospective students? You might as well print one of those oversized banners that you love so much and announce your most recent accomplishment: ostracizing the gay community and those that support them. Congratulations.

Until the administration proves itself to be true advocates for the rights and well being of ALL students and faculty, I will not donate any funds to my once esteemed alma mater. I encourage both my fellow alums and members of the community to reserve their funds as well. Someone has to hold Belmont accountable.

Signed,

C. Michelle Wilkerson

Belmont University Graduate 2008

Resource Development - Conexion Americas

This is Why You Are Single

2010-11-23T22:01:00.002-06:00

I'm pretty tired of dudes dictating what a woman should be or do. I also can't stand dudes who bash other dudes thinking it'll get them points with women. For this reason, I've never been a fan of Lyfe Jennings. Recently I slipped up, listened to the radio, and heard one of his songs, "Statistics." I felt my face frown. After all, this black man is going back to prison for a domestic dispute with the mother of his child. (Yes. Digest all that…) But for some odd reason, he feels he's qualified to "teach" a woman how to expose bad men and keep a good one. Hmmm… Let's look at his "rules."

"RULE #1 - Don't be a booty call, If he don't respect you girl he gon' forget you girl,"

For one, grown women are capable of having sex just to have sex. It takes two make a booty call happen. If he wants it and she agrees, guess what? That's consensual coitus between grown folks. Why do folks assume that women are "victims" in booty calls? Quite honestly, women probably orchestrate 75% of them.

"NOW 2 - If he's in a relationship and he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you."

This is common sense. I don't really have a problem with this. However, I believe women already know this too. If she says she doesn't, it's because she's in denial.

"RULE 3 - Tell him that you're celibate and if he wants some of your goodies he gon' have to work for it."

I don't believe in playing games and I take celibacy very seriously because people who choose to be celibate are doing it for a purpose. To claim to be celibate to gauge someone's sincerity is hypocritical. Lie to see if someone else is lying? Stop that. Games like this create the drama we claim we hate.

"RULE 4 - Be the person you wanna find. Don't be a nickel out here lookin' for a dime."

This should be said to ev-er-ry-one. Men do this ALL the time. They claim they're looking for a virginal, honest, gourmet-cooking, Mary Poppins, but what man do you know that has these virtues? And if he does, aren't you calling him gay? No one should expect more than they're willing to give. To suggest that only women should be virtuous to find a virtuous mate is… ridiculous.

Lyfe gives us a series of "statistics." It's the kind of shit @TheSingleWoman tweets that single women retweet thinking they're somehow being profound:

"25% of all men are unstable

25% of all men can't be faithful

30% of them don't mean what they say

and 10% of the remainin' 20 is gay

15% of all men got a complex

15% of all men don't practice safe sex

20% of them are from homes without a father

so there's a 50/50 chance that you'll marry a coward"

And then the cherry on this fuckery sundae is an assuring "pep talk:"

"Be patient! He's waiting!

You don't gotta settle for that

Leave all that stress alone!

Get you a backbone!

Stop being sorry for yourself!

Chances make champions

It's gonna take patience

Time is still wastin'"

So… The right man is out there we just have to weed though all the lying-ass, complex, unstable, unfaithful, STD-riddled, homos with daddy issues. And THEN he's probably going to be a coward? Get the fuck outta here.

Women eat this crap up. And that's the problem. As long as you sit around listening to shit like this, no man will want you. Your hang ups are not attractive. And listening to a statistic tell you to beware of statistics is not smart. If you're listening to Lyfe, finding a man is the least of your worries. Get a clue and work on yourself. Then maybe someone else can deal with you.

Kanye is Back?

2010-11-23T12:00:00.001-06:00

If you're anything like me you downloaded each G.O.O.D. Friday track as soon as it was released, you watched Runaway when it premiered (and a few times after), and you've been eagerly awaiting My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. This is probably Kanye's best reviewed album. Despite the ire his public persona brings, Kanye has managed to deliver an album that makes it "safe" to like him again. Critics are saying MBDTF is a "classic," a "masterpiece." Fans that jumped ship with 808s and Heartbreak are saying, "He's back." Hmmm… Let's take a look at the album.

Dark Fantasy

Kanye's life is all models and fashion now, and he is drastically different from the producer with the backpack we met in 2003, but on "Dark Fantasy" he shows that he hasn't forgotten about that kid. He reminds us he's always wanted this -- whatever this is. Part of the beauty in every Kanye album is that he's talking about where he is now, and right now, Kanye is living his dark fantasy.

Winning Line: "Too many Urkels on your team that's why your wins low…"

Features: Nicki Minaj

Gorgeous

He's still conscious. Deep down he does care about more than models and sex. On "Gorgeous" Kanye gives some commentary on the black condition: "Inter century anthems based off inner city tantrums based off the way we was branded. Face it, 'Jerome' get more time than 'Brandon.'" He addresses his feelings about being constantly criticized: "I thought I chose a field where they couldn't sack me…" Kid Cudi is haunting and perfect on the hook. Raekwon is good.

Winning Line: "The same people that tried to black ball me forgot about two things: my black balls."

Features: Raekwon, Kid Cudi

Power

"Power" is still epic to me. My awesome summer started when I leaned over in the car and said, "Michelle, you gotta hear this," right before we walked into the Memorial Day party. I think part of me will always feel that when it comes on. It's Kanye's honest reaction and assessment of the criticism he's gotten last couple years. He goes from the humorous ("we rollin' with some light skinned girls and some Kelly Rollands…") to the emotional ("how ‘Ye doin’? I’m survivin'"). Bloggers had mixed feelings about it. I love it.

Winning Line: "I just needed time alone with my own thoughts. Got treasures in my mind but couldn’t open up my own vault. My childlike creativity, purity and honesty is honestly being prodded by these grown thoughts. Reality is catchin’ up with me, takin’ my inner child, I’m fighting for custody."

Michelle's Line: "They say I was the abomination of Obama’s nation. Well, that’s a pretty bad way to start the conversation... At the end of day, gotdammit, I’m killin’ this shit. I know damn well y’all feelin’ this shit…"

All of the Lights

I love this song. The marching band feel, and the Rihanna hook make it easy to miss the message. Again, Kanye addresses a segment of black life, those who get their education on the street, that "ghetto university." He talks about domestic violence and child support issues. Though it's in the first person, from what we know, this isn't his own personal story, but it's still poignant. Around the 3:11 mark when Fergie comes in and talks about her own "ghetto university" ("Unemployment line, credit card declined… Did I not mention I was about to lose my mind? And also was about to do that line… Ok, ok you know we going all the way this time…") it starts getting heavy because that is Fergie's story. And then, Kanye gives us Elton John (ELTON JOHN) layered with Alicia Keys. It gave me goose bumps. Perfect production, perfect use of features, perfect way to tell that story.

Winning Line: "Something's wrong, I hold my head. MJ gone… our nigga dead!"

Features: Rihanna, Kid Cudi, Elton John, Alicia Keys

Monster

This was my favorite song for a while. Kanye rhymes "esophagus" with "sarcophagus." It happened. It was an early G.O.O.D. Friday song, so we were all very excited about the idea of getting a free Kanye song every week. And then… A song with Jay Z and Nicki Minaj? Interesting… I love every verse on the song. I like believing that I could like Nicki Minaj (if she only does songs with Kanye). The beat is kind of plain and unspectacular, but I think it works with verses. Although it sounds fun and light, Kanye gives us another mildly grim picture of fame. Also… I love the use of features here, too. The song wouldn't really be the same without the bookend minor features of Rick Ross and Bon Iver (I bet Bon Iver's website got a looot more hits after this song…). Without them it could be on anyone's album. I think with them, it can only be a Kanye song. If that makes sense...

Winning Line: There are many… Just pick one.

Features: Rick Ross, Jay Z, Nicki Minaj, Bon Iver

So Appalled

I didn't like this song when it was leaked last year. I don't like it now. I've heard other people on the track, but it doesn't really do it for me. I love RZA, but he doesn't belong on the song. And really, the song doesn't belong on the album.

Features: Jay Z, Pusha T, Swizz Beatz, Cyhi the Prince, RZA

Devil in a New Dress

This is another one of my favorite G.O.O.D. Friday songs. It's the perfect end-of-summer riding song. Kanye gives us a nice laid back story about a situation that probably isn’t nice or laid back. Clearly, it's difficult for Kanye to date anyone. In contrast to his romantic situation before and the heartbreak from 808s, he's Kanye West now: "You love me for me? Could you be more phoney?" He also address critics again: "Hard to be humble when you stuntin on the jumbotron." Also, I liked the song without Rick Ross, but he sounds really good on the album version. His voice works well with the beat.

Winning Line: "Out of all the colors that'll fill up the skies, you got green on your mind. I can see it in your eyes."

Features: Rick Ross

Runaway

Kanye debuted this song at the close of the VMA's this year. It's hook ("Let's have a toast for the douchebags. Let's have a toast for the assholes. Let's have a toast for the scumbags") seemed appropriate for the audience, since it was that VMA stage where he committed the ultimate (and his favorite) sin, truth-telling to white people at the wrong time. However, the song is about more than his "douchebagery." It's much more emotional than that. He's not appeasing critics, he's begging his woman to leave him because he can't do right though he wants her to stay because he needs her. It's the kind of emotion we got with 808s minus the autotune. It's the centerpiece of the album and it's the focus of his film (which isn't his directorial debut; that Drake video is…). I like the song and Pusha T is cool (although he gets kind of lost in it all). I love the video and this scene with the ballerinas was my favorite scene. However, I'm not crazy about the extended version on the album. I don't always want to hear all of it.

Winning Line: "See I could have me a good girl and still be addicted to them hoodrats…" (only because I wonder why dudes are like that sometimes…)

Features: Pusha T

Hell of a Life

I LOVE this song. The beat makes me very happy. And I love the visual that goes with this song in Runaway. This is like Kanye's ode to the absurd. He talks about falling in love with a porn star, doing a bunch of crazy things, and getting a divorce. Yeah, a hell of a life. My favorite lines are the silly ones: "bittersweet taste made his gold tooth ache" and "make a nun cum, make her cremate." It's almost like he's beginning to see how ridiculous his fantasy is. The beat is my favorite part of the song, but I like it as a whole.

Winning Line: "Have you lost your mind? Tell me what you think we've crossed the line. No more drugs for me. Pussy and religion is all I need. Grab my hand. Baby we'll live a hell of a life…"

Blame Game

This song is very real and honest. I love it. Of course, everyone will say it's about Amber Rose, an assumption fueled by the skit with Chris Rock and a white "sounding" girl. Also lines like, "You should be grateful a nigga like me even knows you. Now you noticeable and cant nobody can control you," add to the lure. But Kanye tastefully deals with his demons and doesn't mention her name. The song is heavy with emotion and John Legend sings a perfectly conflicted chorus.

Winning Line: "Arguing, harvesting the feelings. I’d rather be by my fucking self. Till about 2am and I call back and I hang up and start to blame myself. Somebody help."

Features: John Legend, Chris Rock

Lost in the World

I love this song. And although Runaway is the centerpiece, this song is the album's real gem. It's a powerful statement to make at the end. The whole album has been building up to this realization/admission that everything about this life is bittersweet. He's lost in this world and that's what makes the fantasy so dark and twisted. Everything is a contradiction, yet so poetic: "You're my devil, you're my angel, you're my heaven, you're my hell, you're my now, you're my forever…" He admits that he's "lost in this plastic life," but he could easily be talking about music instead of a woman in those first lines. Kanye adds Gil Scott-Heron's "Comment #1" to the end. That's a profound piece. I'm not sure it fits here, but it sounds good.

Winning Line: You can't really pull any line out of this one. They all go together.

Features: Bon Iver

I like this album a lot. I'm hesitant to call it a masterpiece like I've seen in so many reviews. As a fan from the start, I can't overlook what I consider to be flaws and call this a classic. I am pleased with all the songs that we hadn't previously heard as G.O.O.D. Friday tracks. Though I love "Monster," I don't like where it is on the album. I don't think it really fits. I hate "So Appalled" and I purchased a physical copy because I didn’t want to pay for "See Me Now" in any form. Most of what's here is great. Production is perfect. Features are perfect. Kanye continues to improve lyrically. However, what's not here is blaring. Originally I was hoping that none of his G.O.O.D. Friday songs would be on the album, but then I heard "Christian Dior Denim Flow" and "Don't Look Down"and "Chain Heavy." Each or all of those would have been a good addition to this album. Certainly they're all better than "So Appalled..."

Let me repeat, I do like this album. While other albums I was looking forward to disappointed, this one definitely delivered. MBDTF is as heartfelt and 808s and Heartbreak, but more rational. It's just as artfully produced, even without the autotune. He is still dealing with is troubles with women, explaining his blunders in the media, and trying to navigate this "plastic life" without his mother. This is what he's been doing so if he's back, where did he go?

Will Smith Can Suck It

2010-11-10T13:19:00.002-06:00

I am not going to pay for another Will Smith movie until he proves that he can actually act. Now... before you get all defensive, go look at his filmography. Will's 20+ movies fall into one of three categories:

-Movies in which he saves the day/world/people - He fights aliens, robots, or bad guys (sometimes sacrificing himself) to save humanity.
-Sequels to movies in which he saves the day/world/people - Men in Black 3 is scheduled to be released in 2012. End of the world, indeed...
-Feel-good flicks - In these movies he's usually himself as someone else (think Ali)

Will has three characters aside from the character he played in Six Degrees of Separation:

-Himself - in most movies he is a charming, witty, funny, handsome ladies man who is terribly loveable.
-Himself, tormented by some secret/affliction/skeleton in his closet - he starts off disliked or at odds, but by the resolution of the film, he is back to himself (because he's saved the world, of course...)
-Someone else who is somehow extraordinary or lovable like he is - Ali, Chris Gardner, magical negro...

This is all fine and dandy. I'm not knocking his hustle. In fact, I LOVE a lot of his movies. However, I cannot continue to pay to see the same person in the same movie over and over again.

Just for comparison... From 1993 to 1998, Larenz Tate starred in Menace II Society, The Inkwell, Dead Presidents, Love Jones, and Why Do Fools Fall in Love. That's murderous ghetto boy, tormented teen, Vietnam vet who has to steal to support his family, poet in love, and Frankie Lymon.

In any five-year span of Will Smith's career, we've seen the same dude save the world at least three times. I guess that's cool. It's making him money. But I need more. So here it is in writing: I will not pay to see another Will Smith movie until he plays a full-fledged VILLIAN.

A Crash Course in the Parts of Speech

2010-10-19T16:30:00.005-05:00

A while ago, I pointed out that the main problem with a lot of writing is incorrect usage of commas. Of course, once I said THAT, I started noticing other problems that could be THE main error plaguing English writers and speakers. During Camp Nicole, as I tried to explain algebra the best way I can (in terms of language), I found myself in the weird position of explaining that "obtuse" means "intellectually dull," but that's not really related to an angle of more than 90 degrees. My brother thought it was funny and wanted to use it as an insult, but he couldn't put it into a sentence. Then, I began to notice that they sometimes have trouble transitioning a word from one part of speech to another. They would just add "-ize" or "-tion" onto a word and assume the work was done. It left me scratching my head in confusion (and decidedly against ever attempting to teach algebra again…).

Without going into an in depth morphology lesson, words can change lexical categories with the change of a morpheme. Sounds fancy, but this is a simple computation that our brains seem to do naturally. It's how we're able to change the verb "invite" into the noun "invitation." Further, we've been given rules of thumb to make this work, like adding a "-tion" makes a word a noun or adding "-ly" makes it an adverb. This is true a lot of the time, but there are enough exceptions to the rule to create confusion and user error. I think that instead of learning all the rules of morphology, simply understanding the parts of speech -- that it, what words do in a sentence -- will help fix the issue.

When it comes to English, simplicity is key. Unfortunately English education isn't always so straightforward. Early in school we're all taught that the eight parts of speech are noun, pronoun, verb, adverb, adjective, interjection, conjunction, and preposition. Later we learn about articles. Depending on how old (or young) you are, interjections are left off the list entirely. And depending on how deep into the study of language you decide to go, there are more parts of speech and you're told to abandon the label "parts of speech;" they're "lexical categories." (All this confusion for the sake of accuracy...) For the purposes of clarity, you only need to worry about the nouns, pronouns, verbs, adverbs, and adjectives right now.

Use this awesome sentence as a reference:

Julie screamed loudly and threw the antique red vase as hard as she could.

Anything that is something is a noun. If it answers the question "Who?" or "What?" it is a noun. This can be as simple as "ball" or as complicated as "floccinaucinihilipilification." In the example sentence, Julie and vase are nouns.

Something by another name is a pronoun. If you're calling something by name and then you switch it up and call that something "it," you have used a pronoun. She refers to Julie in the sentence. She is a pronoun.

Anything something can do is a verb. Verbs can take a lot of different forms and tenses, but they always tell you what the subject is doing. "Wrote," "read," and "living," are all verbs in different tenses. To scream and to throw are used in the above sentence in past tense.

Adverbs tell you how something carried out the action. These are a little tricky. They often describe the manner in which something is done (cautiously, well, happily), but they can also explain time (first, long) and location (far, high). How did Julie scream? Loudly. How did she throw the vase? Hard.

Finally, adjectives describe something. When you say that something is "tall" or "red" or "calm," you are using an adjective. In the sentence, antique and red describe the vase.

Of course, knowing the rules of thumb associated with suffixes is useful knowledge, especially for standardized tests. However, that's only as useful as your knowledge of the parts of speech. When I took the SAT, it still had analogies and we were told to ignore word definitions and focus on matching the parts of speech. This is difficult if the parts of speech are meaningless to you.

If this seems oversimplified, it's because it is. My brothers, who do not enjoy English as much as I do, and who probably will not grow up to be writers or English teachers, need a strong, albeit cursory, knowledge of their language. This is how I explained the parts of speech to them, and I hope some of it sank in and they will be able to communicate effectively because of it. I hope I've helped some of you, too.

All this came from my head, but if you need a second opinion, the Purdue Online Writing Lab is a great resource (and definitely a better academic source than "this chick who writes this blog about everything…) =]

Stop Being Stupid

2010-10-13T09:15:00.003-05:00

I don't like stupid people. This is nothing new. It is important to note here that I'm not talking about people who simply don't know; they can be taught. No one knows everything. But.. I have a huge problem with people who refuse to know, or those who relish in their ignorance. That automatically makes you stupid. As a customer service representative, I deal with people all day and I'd say about 15% of them are stupid. It's a relatively small number considering how many calls I take, but it has made me sensitive to other instances of stupidity around me.

For example... I love watching Parking Wars. It cracks me up. However, I think I watched too many episodes last night because it was starting to get on my nerves. People are always telling the ticketers to get a real job as if they aren't receiving a real paycheck... Arguing with them is pointless. People, you know when you do wrong. Common sense tells you that you can't park on the sidewalk or where you'd be blocking someone in, or where it says do not park. You know you got the ticket and you know you didn't pay so why are you calling foul when they boot and tow your vehicle?

Also, when there's no real business news, they like to talk about the problems with bank overdraft fees. I'm really tired of people talking about the "$35 cup of coffee." No, it wasn't a $35 cup of coffee; it was a $2 cup that you couldn't afford. Banks tell you about overdraft fees. And if you've lived anywhere above ground, you know about them anyway. You know you can't spend money you don't have, so why are you mad at the bank for penalizing you when you do it anyway?

If that's not bad enough, I heard a report on NPR this morning that the FCC wants to get involved to prevent cell phone "bill shock." That is, they want to make sure cell phone companies can't put "surprise" overage and roaming charges on your phone bill. The woman they interviewed said that she doesn't think the burden should be on the customer and that companies should do a better job warning customers of these fees. But guess what, darling? They do. There's a little thing called "Terms and Conditions" and they send texts and emails when you're close to your limits. And the burden DOES fall on the customer because the customer is the one who entered into the contract and agreed to the terms.

Now... I have been in all these situations. I refused to pay some tickets, forgot to pay some others, and, yes, it was a huge hassle when they suspended my license, but did I complain and blame the people who gave me the tickets? No. (well... except in Sumner County but that's a different conversation...) I have been completely and totally broke and filled up my gas tank when I knew I only had $3 in the bank. Did I complain about my $70 tank of gas? No. I have had overage charges on my phone bill. AT&T sends me text messages when I'm close to data overages. I don't remember Sprint, but TMobile did the same. Did I complain when they charged me when I went over anyway? NO. I took responsibility for my irresponsibility, fixed my situation, and moved on.

There is no glory in not reading the fine print. You look like an idiot when someone informs you of terms you agreed to and you say, "No one reads that!" It's funny how no one complains about socialism when the government wants to intervene to protect stupid consumers from themselves... The best thing the governement can do is add a niiice red sheet to every contract and bill that says in biiig bold letters: "STOP BEING STUPID!" The world would be a better place...

Don't Call Me "Nice"

2010-10-10T23:01:00.001-05:00

A couple days ago I was out with Michelle chilling. Enjoying things. A table of dudes happened to sit at the table next to us which was pulled to our table because of the previous party. One dude of the bunch is clearly trying to talk to me, trying to get in somehow. I'm not feeling him, not trying to start anything. (I really don't like small talk.) But I'm cordial. I answer questions. I smile. All that crap. Then dude says, "Is that an iPhone 4? Can I see it?" Of course my answer is, "Yes. And absolutely not; I don't know you," and all of a sudden, I'm "mean" and his friends are telling him that he's "wasted enough of his pride" on me.

Um… At what point did I become obligated to carry on a conversation with someone despite ALREADY conversing with the person with whom I'm dining? Why do I have to engage a man simply because he's interested? And who decides what's "mean?"

It's been my opinion for a long time that "nice" is a bad word. Calling someone "nice" seems dismissive to me. There are lots of true ways to assess someone. "Nice" is so bland. Ick… *shudders* So, do I care that complete strangers think I'm mean because I wasn't interested in their friend? Naw… But I do hate that because I'm a woman, I should be "glad" I get attention at all.

Simply put, fuck that.

Those dudes, dudes like them, women like them, people in general need to understand that I am not, nor is anyone else for that matter, obligated to be anything more than polite to another person. I don't have to give you my number because you ask for it. I don't have to feign interest because "at least you're talking to me." As long as I'm not making a scene or cussing you out, you should accept that I acknowledged you and I'm respectfully not interested. I am not, nor is anyone else, accountable to your ego.

So, from here on out, don't call me "nice." If being "nice" means that I have to ignore my company to make a dude look good in front of his friends, I don't want that shit associated with me. At all.

Looking for My Rodney

2010-10-04T08:00:00.001-05:00

Most of you reading this don't know my Sweet Auntie Tonda. She is a very colorful, strong woman. (We often joke that she could have written Linda Blair's lines from The Exorcist…) She wants things her way when she wants them (where do you think I get it from?) and she has a tendency to tell you that. Some people call her abrasive. Vulgar. Mean. Whatever. We love her. And with all of that, she has found a devoted man who loves her and has loved her for about 25 years.

Rodney is a special man. He is a large man, big and tall. He has a deep booming voice, a strong presence. He does whatever Tonda wants him to do, willingly. If she told him she wanted tacos from Mexico, he would go there to get them and make sure they were still hot when he got back to the Bay Area to give them to her. He is awesome.

To many people, Rodney's devotion to my aunt seems like weakness. Her venomous verbiage emasculates most men, but not Rodney. Some folks may dismiss Rodney as a bitch, but I dare you to challenge him. And I encourage a man to try to take Tonda from him. He's clearly doing something right.

It takes a strong man to deal with a woman like her and humble himself so much as to go through what they've been through together. Tonda loves Rodney as much as he loves her and that shows me that there is a give and take in every relationship. I'd love a man who is strong enough for me to look weak to everyone else because it'll be proof that our relationship is real and not just about public appearances.

I haven't always been optimistic that my Rodney is out there. Thinking about it in these terms, I realize that my mom found hers when she least expected it. She met her husband when I was 5 -- 20 years ago. So my hope is renewed… He's out there and I'll be right here…

Why I Unfollowed You

2010-09-24T10:00:00.000-05:00

A couple weeks ago, I unfollowed someone I said I wouldn't unfollow. I enjoy Twitter because of the possibility of open discourse. The ability to disagree without the consequence of losing a friend or offending a church member. Because of this freedom and openness, I always said that disagreeing with someone isn't reason enough to unfollow him/her. I had been following someone with whom I usually disagree and it got to be too much and I realized that the disagreement wasn't the reason he had to get off my timeline. Of course, everything here doesn't apply to him, and some of these points apply to people I need to stop following. Either way, here are some resons I have to unfollow...

I don't like negativity, so I don't follow people who are always starting internet feuds. Worse than that is one who uses his/her "celebrity" to incite drama or negativity. A while ago, there was a discussion about not liking India Arie. When one person disagreed, the "celebrity" told all of her followers to go confront the dissenter. You can't claim to uplift on one hand and then direct people to tear someone else apart on the other.

I can't deal with someone whose timeline is all retweets. If you're always retweeting someone else's stuff, why don't I just go follow them and cut out the middle man? Further, I realize that daily affirmations from The Single Woman help a lot of people, but I can't deal with a timeline full of them. If all your tweets are retweets of relationship advice and self-help junk, I have to let you go.

If all of your tweets are about sex or religion, I can't follow you. Moreover if all of your Monday-Saturday tweets are about sex and then on Sunday it's all about religion, I can't follow you. I'm not modest about sexuality or spirituality, but I get bored if you're too absorbed with either one. And... I don't like fake people. There's something that doesn't ring true about you and I don't want to read it all the time.

There are some people whose tweets elicit an automatic eyeroll. For my sanity and the sake of my poor eyes, I have to unfollow you. It could be that you fall into one of these other categories and, for whatever reason, I feel like I can't unfollow you. But just know... You're on thin ice.

I hate to waste my time, so if you tweet me a question and I bother to respond, I expect you to follow up, either with the reason you asked the quesion/made the statement, or some other indicator that the conversation is over. I haaate when people don't respond. Eventually, I'll get really annoyed and have to unfollow you.

Now... I'm not so self-absorbed as to think that you care if I don't follow you on Twitter. This post originally started because someone sent me a text message asking why I unfollowed him. Then I realized that I follow someone I shouldn't be following. Then I unfollowed a person I said I wouldn't unfollow. So... I've been trying to get this out of my system for a minute. Since the air is clear I feel refreshed and free to go axe some people. =]

Followers vs. Friends

2010-09-23T08:15:00.001-05:00

Facebook and Twitter nomenclature has screwed up regular face-to-face interaction. This idea of "friends" and "followers" has gotten a little misconstrued. And since we are clearing the air this week, I thought I'd help you understand...

In the early days, your Facebook friends were... your friends. They were people who attended your college, or nearby colleges, that had the potential to become friends. As more colleges were added you began to have Facebook friends that you knew from high school and earlier. Then they opened the site to high school students, so now your kid cousin is your friend. Now anybody can join, so all your coworkers are requesting you. Being in contact with someone you once knew is a great thing, but make no mistake, ALL of these people aren't your friends. Your friend count is 1,428. Can you have drink and genuine conversation with all of them?

Twitter eliminated all the baggage that comes along with being someone's "friend" and made those connections "followers." In the early days (and in some ways, still), without the idea of friendship on the table people were free to say whatever they felt to people. It was possible to disagree with someone directly, and publically, for the sake of discourse. It was a beautiful thing. When Twitter caught on, people who previously used social networks as a virtual popularity yard stick created the "team follow back" concept. With it came the idea that you had to have a large number of followers in order to be successful on Twitter. Now the discourse is completely different because, since Twitter is saturated with people who should have stayed on Facebook, every once in a while, one has to stop his/her conversation to address some stupid trending topic or celebrity drama.

While I'd rather have drinks and conversation with the people I follow on Twitter, I know that those people aren't my friends either. The number of followers I have isn't a verdict on my character. Moreover, an accumulation of "followers" and Facebook "friends" doesn't make you a better person. No one who matters in your everyday life cares about that stuff.

Of course, the internet is not some far away place devoid of accountability. There is some overlap between real life and the internet. The problem comes in when the definition of terms that were already intangible gets so twisted that they no longer mean anything. I know who my friends are. I am not a follower. I would hope that you know these things about yourself, too. If not, perhaps a social networking break is necessary.

Nicole Norms

2010-09-22T08:00:00.000-05:00

I tell you who I am every time I open my mouth; you never have to guess. However, I am probably the most misunderstood of any of my friends. Since it is Clearing the Air week, I think it would be appropriate to clear up a few things just. The following list of "Nicole Norms" is not exhaustive, but they are the most common things people do or want to do that are simply not cool. These are just a few hints to keep you from getting cussed out. Don't say I didn't warn you...

Don't touch me uninvited. Everyone doesn't get greeted with a hug, and I'm not going to hug you every time I see you. This isn't high school. A "what's up" will do. And... Don't randomly touch me either. I'll notice and I won't like it. Wait until you're invited. You'll know.

Don't shorten my name. My mother named me Nicole. I like to be called Nicole. Definitely can't do Nikki (you should know why...). If it's not broken, don't fix it. My name is very... not broken.

Don't assume that I'm some mysterious and quiet person. If I'm not talking, I'm observing you. I'm not working any kind of "man voodoo." Please don't fall for me. So, I guess you could also call this one, Don't put me on a pedestal until you know why I belong up there...

Don't think you know me. A few people do, but they have put in the time. You can think you've sized me up if you want, but I have already sized YOU up and I won't let you in.

Answer questions. They're not tricks (most of the time). Not answering tells me more than you know... But if you can't answer simple stuff, you're playing games and I will treat you accordingly.

Don't send me text messages asking why I deleted you on some social network. In fact, don't ask me anything about ANYthing that happened on the internet. That's self explanitory. Don't do it.

Don't come around me complaining or gossiping. I like positive things and neither of these things leads to anything positive.

Finially, don't mistake me for bitter. I'm in a good place. I'm not mean or bitter. I am direct and honest. If I'm cussing at you, it's probably because you violated one of these norms.

Ok. Do we have some sort of understanding now? Good. See you later. =]

Terrible Tuesday Profile: Nashville NaySayers

2010-09-21T16:15:00.000-05:00

I've been in Nashville for a while now. It doesn't even come close to my hometown, but I am here for a purpose and I have learned to make it my own. Since I decided to stay in Nashville, I am going to make it as awesome as I am; therefore, I have fun everywhere I go. I'm super tired of hearing (or seeing, as the case may be) people complain about how wack Nashville is. So… This Terrible Tuesday I give you 5 stupid points Nashville Naysayers make:

1. There's Nothing to do Here
This isn't a travel blog, so I'm not about to list all the fun shit there is to do in Nashville. A lot of the stuff I do isn't "every-person" friendly so I'm not about to list all the fun shit I do in Nashville. What I can say is that I've never had an issue with anything closing too early (except the liquor store). Once it's gets started, I've never had to stop my fun too early. There is a lot to do in Nashville whenever you want to if you're open minded. If you are a fun person, you will have fun.

2. Male:Female Ratio Sucks
Let's start small… I don't care nothing about a ratio regardless of which side is heavy. I spend a lot of time with dudes. When I go out it's usually like... four dudes and two girls. I am by no means "butch" or "tomboyish." Being out with dudes in a dude heavy environment isn’t too bad. My dudes tend to shield me from the bull. On the other side, I'm not starving for male attention so being somewhere with a bunch of women doesn't bother me. I'll have a ball. I have fun anywhere, with anybody.

3. You're screwed if You're Over 30
First… I'm 24. I don't expect to have the same kind of fun I have now when I'm 34. I'll have a family, so I'll be having family fun. I'll still have kick it fun, but on another level because, of course, 20 and 30 aren't the same anywhere. That aside… I have been known to kick it now with a 30+ group. Those people have no trouble finding anything to do. Furthermore, nine times out of ten, they have age appropriate fun and I'm the youngest in the room. The "college town" vibe of Nashville is obviously very strong (there are like… ten colleges here and nearby), but I've played in the "adult playland."

4. Nashville isn't Othertown, USA
Nashville is not Atlanta. Nashville is not New York. Nashville is not San Francisco. Or Philly. Or Chicago. Or Houston. (I could do this all day…) This doesn't mean Nashville isn't a real city. It means Nashville isn't that city. It's a different city. Nashville will never compare to Oakland. You know what? Chicago will never compare to Oakland. Atlanta is cool, but it has nothing on the Bay Area. Does that mean those are wack cities? No. Every city is different. Your favorite city will always be your favorite. It's illogical to compare cities based on emotion. Just put on your fun glasses and look at the city you're in. If you look at Nashville and don't see anything, nothing at all, it's you.

5. Whenever an Event is Successful it goes Away
You naysayers are peculiar people. You claim to want something, and when you get it, you hate it. The promoters don't make any money so they stop. Then you start remembering how fun an event was and complain that it's gone but YOU DID THAT. Your lack of support, your nose in the air, sends a message that doesn't translate to money for promoters. Why (and HOW) would they continue? AND, I have news for you… When this "restructuring" is done, when currently gone events return, when the behind the scenes work is done, you aren't going to like that either. You'll be at an awesome event tweeting about how bored you are (right before you hop up and dance to "you song," of course…)

The list isn't exhaustive. Just a small picture. Please don't start in on me like I've never been to a "big city," or I'm a small-town girl who goes at a slow speed. No. I'm from the Bay Area. I know what it's like when a city doesn't sleep. I kicked it there around the clock and so it's only fitting that I kick it here around the clock, too.

You could say that I'm young and the college crowd fits me, but I don't really party with them. I'm not into club fights and shootings. Club pics with city back drops and drink cups aren't my cup of tea. It takes more than TGIFridays to do it for me. I am by no means easy. But I rock. Anywhere.

Lastly, I am not a complainer. There are things I don't like about Nashville. I am not here by choice. But I am here. I will not waste my time complaining that it's not Oakland. I can't make it Oakland. But I can make it awesome. Because I am awesome. My team is awesome. Please do not pollute my air with Nashville naysaying. Consider this post Inconvenient Truth.

The Dissolution of "Friend"ships

2010-09-20T09:00:00.003-05:00

2010 has been a good year for me. But... along the way some relationships have suffered. Not the ones that matter, of course. People say friendship is seasonal. I would have to disagree. The people who actually know me are still there for me -- and I for them -- even if we don't talk on a regular basis. It's those people who weren't true in the beginning that fade away when the seasons change. No matter the circumstances, I have realized that I'm not very good at ending friendships.

It's not easy for me to call someone a friend. I'm cool with most people but I can count my real friends on my hands. The hardest part of this year was realizing that I was calling the wrong people my friends. One "friend" judged me during a time when I needed support the most. That brought me Facebook drama so I just stopped talking to her. Changed my number and moved on.

Another "friend" believes that I try to make her jealous by talking about dudes. She told a mutual male friend that I purposely try to make her feel like dudes don't like her because I'm better. (I'm paraphrasing...) Prior to this there were numerous bits of drama that made her a nusance. Once I figured out that she clearly has no idea who I am as a person, I just stopped talking to her. Changed my number and moved on.

And yet another "friend," with whom I thought I shared a special bond, couldn't be bothered to provide the most basic support for me. Instead she gave me an excuse and sent me to someone who barely knew me (who supported me no questions asked...). This situation is particularly hurtful. I can't just stop talking to her, but everything is strained. I've almost moved on.

Don't even get me started on men.

I realized a long time ago that on a very basic level, I need positive, non-judgmental, honest and supportive people in my life. While I know this about myself, and I know how I feel about these situations, I have a hard time sharing this with the other parties involved. Instead I just put up a wall between us and go on about my business. Further interaction with them leads to eye rolls or confusion. I just... do not dissolve relationships well.

If I haven't talked to someone in a long time and when I do talk to them, the reception is not warm -- not necessarily cold, just not warm -- I assume we're not as close as we were (if we were ever close) and I act accordingly. I guess I assume other people should feel the same way in relation to me so I don't think any explanation is necessary. The problem here is not the acquaintances who can take this and keep it moving. It's the people who were friends until they proved that they were not.

Moreover, my pride won't let me give a person the satisfation of knowing that I let them in and they fooled me with promises of sisterhood and friendship. Perhaps there is a better way to go about ending friendships. Maybe I should invite people over one by one and give them an "exit" interview. Maybe that will make my Facebook and Twitter experiences better and give my eyes a rest. Hell... I don't know. How do you dissolve relationships?

Here it Goes Again...

2010-09-19T09:55:00.006-05:00

Every once in a while, I go through a period of reflection in which I evaluate myself and the people around me. The findings are usually the same. I know myself pretty well. There's always a friend who wasn't really friend who either shows her true colors or simply isn't around anymore. The people who are truly there for me are still there for me, even if we don't kick it often. It's usually a peaceful, naturally-occuring process. Others times it's drama induced.

This time... It's a mix of both. I had this period of introspection some time at the beginning of the year. I thought about the things that would fulfill me the most. Decided that I was going to stay in Nashville to watch my brothers grow up. Realized that I could find contentment within myself and I could be domesticated on my own terms. Resolved issues with my oldest friends and was able to come to terms with the fact that we could love each other and still grow in different directions.

The drama came when I discovered that there were people in my life who claimed to know, love, and support me and really didn't. Though that isn't new, it still stings a little to discover that someone you call a friend, isn't a friend. I chose to keep certain feelings to myself and distance myself from those people. But then the subliminal tweets came, the ridicuous facebook statuses, the outlandish and petty claims that I try to make friends jealous (over a dude, yall!). It was a mess.

I tried to keep everything quiet. I get my drama from Bad Girls Club and the Real Housewives series, so I choose not to entertain it in life. Or... at least I keep it contained when I have to address it. This week, my friends, I will address some things. I have written a lot of posts that seem to be about the same shit so I'm lumping them together and making this week "Clearing the Air" Week. I clearly need to get some things off my chest.

It may seem extreme or "too much" to waste a week on this as if I can't go talk to people directly. But... I really don't like drama. Talking to these people would cause drama. Further... Much of these posts (2 full ones...) was written prior to the incident that inspired the decision to dedicate the time. SO... that tells me this is the way to go. The part of my mind that writes wants yall to read this so... This week, Monday through Friday, one post a day: Clearing the Air Week. Enjoy.

Terrible Tuesday Profile: Andrea Herrera

2010-09-14T19:45:00.005-05:00

If you know her at all, you know her as Kat Stacks. You probably hate her. I wanted to know why so I followed her on Twitter for a week to see if I could gain some insight… Her background is familiar… Basically she's a little girl lost. Been on her own since a young age, doing what she can for money, somehow got into urban modeling and music videos. Something pissed her off and she took to airing out young rap's dirty laundry. She notoriously "screwed the entire Young Money crew" then started posting YouTube videos featuring their private phone numbers and addresses. You may not agree with her, but here are 5 ways Kat Stacks is just like you...

1. Cash Rules Everything Around Her She's motivated by money. She has successfully found a way to make her name valuable. People call her a groupie and hate her, but she is making money off of what she's doing. Having sex for money is prostitution, but aside from that… she is in demand. Clubs want her to host parties, rappers want her in their videos… And she's getting paid to do both. "Kat Stacks" is a commodity. Say what you will, but she's a hustler.

Though you may not go to these extremes or agree with her methods, I'm sure you're driven by money as well. When's the last time you did anything for free? When's the last time you did something not expecting anything at all?

2. She's Emotional About Boys Although she seems very angry about the way some men have treated her, there are men she has felt real connections with. She tweeted about missing a dude that she has already blasted on the internet (of course… there's no way to know exactly who she was talking about…). She regularly shows vulnerability. Though her "fans" seem to think she's weak when she does, it shows she's human and has feelings. Surely you've sent a text message that you wish you could take back, cut somebody off that you want around...

3. She's a Lot of Fun She drinks. She's "grimey," but loyal. She watches movies online. She has issues with white people. Sounds like a lot of people I know...

4. She Wants to be Famous Think about all the people who have made themselves famous on blogs and YouTube in recent years… The list is long. This generation wants to be famous. They want people to know them. They do stupid shit, put it in a video, and hope to make it on tv. Best case scenario makes you Soulja Boy. Worst gets you a segment on tosh.0. Either way, you're on. How is she any different from that? You like this kind of thing. Superhead's books are New York Times bestsellers. And even if you're not into sex and all things urban… Jackass: the Movie grossed $64,255,312 in the United States alone. We're sending a very clear message about fame. Who can knock Kat Stacks for wanting a piece of that?

5. She's Young and Dumb Ok… So she has trouble with the fundamentals of English grammar, spelling, usage... But she was born in Venezuela. She left home at 15, and got her education in alternative schools. What's your excuse? Have you seen some of these kids on Twitter? Facebook? Text messages? In terms of decency and what she should and shouldn't reveal to the public... As we can see from shows like Teen Mom, Jersey Shore, and recent seasons of The Real World, and what we can gather from tabloid reports about celebrities that are her age, decency has been on a steady decline in recent years. She's responding to norms as defined by current society. She didn't have any real role models. And from what I've been able to gather from the people with whom she corresponds on Twitter, a lot of the youth don’t.

I doubt you want to go to the lengths I went through to try to understand Kat Stacks, but if you do, follow her on Twitter (@ihatekatstacks), listen to this interview with Angela Yee, watch some of her videos. I found that I know people like her. Based on what I learned growing up, I recognize certain aspects of her situation, and, while it's definitely not like mine, I understand her thought process. It's easy for us to sit on this side and judge her but we don't know her. We can't say for sure what she's going through.

At the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter if she's NOTHING like you, nothing gives anyone the right to judge another. No one has the right to assault her or threaten her life. Those actions are wrong regardless of ANYthing she does. She is troubled, but she is young, and lord willing she has plenty of time to mature, exorcise her demons, and heal herself.

This post is the last time I'll spend this much time devoted to her. Not because I don't like her, but because I'm not a fan of fake celebrity. She does nothing for me. Simply, I am not her audience. Next time you see some story about her, before you talk shit about her, remember that you clearly ARE her audience and you're doing exactly what she wants. She's flipping your hate into dollars. I can't knock that hustle.

I'm in Love...

2010-09-12T16:56:00.001-05:00

[...with music.]

As you were.

Twitter

2010-09-06T19:18:00.002-05:00

Aiight... I figured out how I'm going to use Nicole be Thinking's twitter account so it's safe to follow it now: @nicolebethinkn. It's a little bare over there right now, but these posts feed to that account now and I'll use it more and more as I write more... It's whatever though. I'm in my experimental phase. We'll see how it goes. =]

OH! While I'm here... I AM editing right now so there WILL be posts this week. Work with me people...

Sign of the Times?

2010-08-29T16:29:00.000-05:00

We all know that movies don’t change that much. There are no real genres anymore since most movies these days have elements from many genres. In any event, the stories are all pretty much the same. That said , I saw Takers with my younger brother. Without giving too much away, the plot of Takers is basically the same as any other heist movie. There are some differences, mostly just elements of style, but major themes, character arcs, and outcomes are, of course, very familiar...

So… clearly half of the major players die in the end. I know this from being an avid movie watcher since my first (that I can remember) trip to the movies to see Boys N the Hood. I also know that there won't (shouldn’t) be a sequel. However, this concept is foreign to my brother. At the end he looked confused "Everybody dies? Naw, somebody lives and there could be a part two!" Uuuum… what?

I can only take this as a sign of the times. My brother's generation did not grow up watching the kind of movies we did. Over the last 10 years it seems like every movie's major twist is that someone lives and there is a sequel. Even movies that are complete stories within themselves have sequels (i.e. The Hangover). Gone are the days of telling the story at hand. Now… they tell the story and if is makes a lot of money they tell it again…and again in different locations and dimensions (i.e. Fast and Furious, Final Destination).

In a discussion about Inception, NPR noted that most of the major movies this summer were sequels or remakes. That's a pretty big statement when you consider everything that came out. That my brother seems to expect a sequel is a startling (though certainly not new) sign that movies are all about the money. They're mundane, not in a fun, "I-know-the-formula" way, but in a cynical "it'll-make-a-billion-dollars-without-me-and-i-know-the-ending-so-why-see-it" kind of way.

Further, that my kid brother doesn't recognize plot cues is indicative of an overall dulling of… everything. Dad kept saying "He's 12," as if that means he's not supposed to know archetypical plot lines. But when I was 12, I was quoting Scarface. I knew that little brothers and creative types die first. I knew that the character with the least to lose is the bad guy. The guy who thinks the plot is a bad idea will be wounded or killed. That "one last job" never goes as planned. By 12, I was already Randy Meeks.

I'd like to think that I'm just a nerd, but all my friends have the same relationship and knowledge of movies, even if it doesn't match my intensity. You could say that I just have nerdy friends. Eh, I do… but my generation happens to pop culture. We participate while my brothers' generation seems to be full of spectators. And that's so wack.

Where is the Love?

2010-07-01T15:00:00.001-05:00

The majority of the artists I love these days exist in some open, genre-less space between R&B and Rap. Naturally, as I prepared to write about music, I listened to music. I began to notice that there was a lot of great stuff that I was skipping in my pursuit of "hip hop." Of course… My mind working the way it does, I began to wonder if hip hop could be considered "black music" and weather a black artist has to make "black music."

Creativity in hip hop has steadily progressed with times, but the people's perception of what can be considered hip hop has largely remained the same. Most people expect men bragging about music and talking about women. These days, we want something we can dance to. Most don't want anything that may sound different or... "too artistic" or… something that may challenge the norm.

Interestingly, much of what I love about hip hop (the attitude, the storytelling, the percussion) is found in what may be considered "alternative" music. People who crap on Black Eyed Peas for being too commercial seem to love whoever made whatever song about whatever new dance and performs said song at the BET awards…

Why don't black people support black artists who don't make rap or R&B? Seems to me some black people put black artists in boxes and we all fail. I support good music regardless of who makes it. Today, I want to share some of my favorites with the hopes that maybe the music will move you too....

I think that's more than enough... =]

The Curious Case of Kanye West

2010-06-30T15:00:00.000-05:00

At some point in the conversation that inspired this week of music posts, my mother told me Kanye West isn't a rapper. She doesn't dislike him… (She did one of my numbers…) "I don't not like him. He's just not hip hop." I was shocked at first. Then I thought it through. As I was going through my music to prove Kanye's "hip-hop-ness" to her, I went to Jay-Z songs first. Clearly I still think of Kanye the Producer, first. As I started going through his music, I realized that Kanye the Rapper is pretty solid, too. It all got me thinking about what she said about him not being hip hop. Where does he fit in hip hop?

For many of us, Kanye was just another producer when he almost died in a car crash in 2002. The release of his first single, "Through the Wire," in 2003 was like an awakening. The album that followed, College Dropout, went double platinum within 4 months of its release, which is stellar for a debut. The combination of Kanye's soulful production and energetic delivery proved to be the magic formula. College Dropout was an emotional tale of his ambition many of us could relate to and respect. Though a bit skit heavy, it's a superb album that included super single "Jesus Walks" and stand-out b-sides "Spaceship," "Get Em High," and "Two Words."

A year and a half later, Kanye released Late Registration. With production assistance from Jon Brion, Kanye upped the ante on creativity. In 2005, I was a college student not feeling school at all. I wasn't totally over College Dropout but the pianos and epic musical builds on Late Registration soothed me and made me think everything was ok. Every time I play it, I think of my long commute from Oakland to the City for school, then to Berkeley for work, and back home to sleep and start over. Led by "Diamonds from Sierra Leone," Kanye also set a different, more political tone for the album. Though he lightened up with "Gold Digger," Kanye's other singles were personal and poignant. Jay-Z's verse on the "Diamonds" remix can't be overlooked, but my favorite song on the album is "Addiction" on which Kanye made me give my least favorite Etta James song another listen. That is the mark of a good producer.

In the time following the release of Late Registration, Kanye was in the press a lot mostly for bad behavior. He proved to be outspoken ("George Bush doesn't care about black people."), a little arrogant (telling anyone who would listen, and a few captive audiences that he wasn't getting the accolades he deserved), and quite prolific. He produced for everyone from Mariah Carey to Common, and Keyshia Cole to Lupe Fiasco. He announced his clothing line, Pastelle. It was also a great time for his label G.O.O.D. Music, with big releases from Common and John Legend, both of which included production from Kanye.

Kanye's first two singles from Graduation, "Can't Tell Me Nothing" and "Stronger," served as anthems and seemed to describe everything about Kanye's attitude. Upon hearing that Kanye's album would be released the same day as his, 50 Cent challenged Kanye, saying that if Graduation outsold Curtis, he would end his recording career. Kanye won (50 reneged), and Graduation is an awesome album. It reflected the success that Kanye was seeing from the hard work he rapped about on his previous albums. He further experimented with different sounds and sampled across genres. Creatively he was on fire, as evidenced by the video for "Flashing Lights." Songs like "Barry Bonds" prove that he's still honest, still arrogant, but lyrically growing. Graduation was a celebration of life, wealth, and creativity.

Sadly, a couple of months after the release of Graduation, Kanye's mother, Donda, died from complications during a surgery. Sometime after that, he separated from his longtime girlfriend. Kanye threw himself into his work and embarked on his monumental Glow in the Dark Tour and work on his next album, 808's and Heartbreak. It was a total departure from the sound that fans of Kanye had become accustomed to. Kanye dealt with his mother's death and the break up from his fiancé with his music. He experimented with autotune and sang more than he rapped on the album and lost some fair-weather fans. Despite the shift in sound, the album was musically sound and emotionally raw. (There are songs on the album that I still can't listen to because of my own turmoil during that time period…) While fans he earned because of Young Jeezy and Lil Wayne features abandoned him, the album was a critical triumph, garnering him all the attention he complained for at award shows earlier in his career.

Despite all the controversy and a rocky relationship with hip hop fans, how does Kanye manage to stay be so successful? Is he hip hop? Kanye is chameleon. He's fearless. He says what's on his mind, he works with everyone. He samples across genres. He does the things you want to do. He's never released a wack album and he constantly improves lyrically and creatively. If that's not hip hop, what is?

Boondocks is Officially Adding to the Problem

2010-06-29T14:00:00.000-05:00

The Boondocks lost me with their last episode and they are officially adding to the ignorance of this younger generation. I understand the episode was taken from an MSNBC segment from a few years ago. Believe it or not, most of the words are verbatim. Starting the episode this way made me think it would be more about pedophilia, but then again, I was focused on To Catch a Predator, not the man raping Chris Hansen. Anyway… I have three main problems with this episode: the homophobia that has become a Boondocks staple, the misogyny, and the glorification of prison.

The episode starts by saying that Tom is a "friend of the gay movement," but he has a fear of going to prison and being anally raped. What does that fear have to do with being a "friend of the gay movement?" Is Tom afraid of random gay men raping him? No. Does Tom think all gay men want to rape him? No. He has a very specific fear. What does it have to do with being a "friend to the gay movement??" Nothing. Moreover… This whole "pause" and "no homo" thing is getting really really old. It's stupid in general, but now it's become an accepted part of a show that's supposed to be making fun of all the stupid things in life. Tom explains that he's going to the prison and he's going to make sure his anus and the little boys' anus. Sarah says, "Pause." When the inmate is talking about prison and asks about rape, Riley says, "Pause," and snickers. There's nothing funny about either situation. Sarah knows Tom isn't gay. What's the point of saying "Pause?"

Homophobia is not cool. It's not funny. People who say they're not scared of homosexuals and specify that they don't like homosexuals are missing the point. To judge people based on ideals or circumstances you don't understand is wrong (as in, incorrect. I'm not here to be the moral police). For a show that's supposed to be satire to allow this judgment to become not only the norm, but also accepted, is wrong.

In this episode the word "bitch" was used roughly 36 times derogatively in reference to women in one scene. Anyone who knows me knows that language does not offend me. I use the word "bitch" kind of regularly and sometimes with the intent to offend. The problem with the show's gratuitous use of the word in this context is the audience. With the decline of the show I can no longer take for granted that the writers have some sort of real purpose in anything they do. The Boondocks irresponsibly throws around misogynistic language to a crowd of people who don't even understand what misogyny is. I'm not saying The Boondocks should explain the term. But… their use of the term is over the top and comes across as hateful to women.

This episode glorifies prison. Huey and Riley are in trouble for getting into a fight and the option is expulsion or participation in the "Scared Stiff" program. Riley initially wants to be expelled, but when the option of going to jail, even just to visit, is introduced, Riley begs to go: "Pick jail, pick jail, pick jail! Please let me go to jail!" After everything Riley is unimpressed. Goes on a tirade:

"I can't believe this is supposed to scare me. A prison full of bitch ass niggas. Convicts is bitch ass niggas. All they did was vote. The COs is bitch ass niggas cuz they just fell over. And Tom you's a bitch ass nigga too, cuz all you did was run. They wouldn't know what to do with a real nigga like me up in here. Lucky for them I'm a little kid so they can't put me a real jail. They gotta put me in a jail for like, real nigga lil kids."

The absurdity here is not funny. It's just… absurd. Before the trip Tom mentions to Sarah that the boys don't fear jail which means they'll end up there if no one does anything. What did they do for Riley and the kids like him watching the show? They made prison look like some place you go where people can be reasoned into forming riot committees. A place where inmates are all gay men who have sex with each other. A place that "a real nigga" can deal with. Prison is manageable, not so bad.

And let's ignore that all the inmates were black and all the guards were white. Let's ignore that all of the inmates were stupid. Forget that Tom's new desire to be a defense attorney and "save people from anal rape instead of sending them to it" is probably the most important thing about the episode. Ignoring all this, Huey's explanation of the prison industrial complex has no impact whatsoever. It's out of place in an episode that's not satirizing the prison system so much as it is making it look like something an 8-year-old "real nigga" could tolerate.

There is plenty here for actual satire. There is something they could have done. But they didn't. They botched it, missed every point, and left me feeling ashamed that my brother was somewhere watching it. It's definitely not this show's job to educate or raise this generation. Perhaps my disdain comes from being a lover of the comic strip. Maybe Aaron set the bar too high. Either way, Sunday's episode was irresponsible considering the show's new audience. It was too unintelligent for the show's old audience. And it was nowhere near as funny (if you thought it was funny at all) as it needed to be for a show that's supposed to be a comedy.

There's no way for the show to transition back to intelligent humor. There's no way for there to be a fourth season. I think Aaron designed it that way, but surely there was a better way to express his unhappiness with whatever circumstances he's dealing with than to become like what he despises (BET) and play into the ignorance of stereotypes without having a hint of smart commentary.

Let People Do Their Own Jobs

2010-06-29T13:00:00.001-05:00

We all have our own little place in society. Our niche, our lane, our job. Confusion, frustration, stress, fights, all that shit would be reduced dramatically if people did what they were hired to do and let other people do what they were hired to do…

There's a server at my job who is always complaining. Every time I look up, he's at the door greeting patrons, getting menus, telling me what table to take them to, warning me about other servers being inattentive or slow. He's not management. He's not a hostess. Just a server.

Granted… Restaurants run best when it's a team effort, when everyone works together. So some degree of "looking out for one another" is necessary. But people need to worry most about doing their own job. My job is most stressful when too many people are telling me what to do and I don't have the proper tools because those people aren't doing their jobs.

It works the same way in every job I have had. There's always someone who wants to tell everyone else how to work. A team member who wants to be above the team. A thorn in my side. Looking back, the shifts that went the best were worked by a team that understood that team work has to be done by everyone and is done best when people do their designated duties. Jill may be able to do Jo's job, but it wasn't given to her. If two people are vying for the same job, some work somewhere is not getting done.

Life is the same way. Relationships work best when there aren't any outside influences. That is… when friends of the couple aren't always in the mix. Further, relationships are balanced when each partner recognizes his/her skills and performs to the best of his/her abilities. When everyone does what they're made to do, life is easier because things work properly.

Moral of the story… Stay in your lane so the world can run smoothly. If you feel like you belong in a different lane, there are legitimate ways to get there without causing unnecessary traffic. Nothing positive can come from someone who is not a manager trying to manage everything. Just do your own job and let others do theirs. Some of y'all won't though. Fine. Whatever. Just stay out of my way so at least you don't get your feelings hurt.

I Forgive Puff Daddy

2010-06-29T12:00:00.000-05:00

I have had a hate-hate relationship with Puff Daddy for years now. Anyone who knows me -- or has taken any amount of time to talk about music with me -- knows that I believe that everything that's wrong with music today is Puff Daddy's fault. It's like my own version of "Six Degrees of Separation." Look:

Do you remember what female emcees were like before Puff Daddy came along? Queen Latifah, MC Lyte, Roxanne Shante, etc. Salt-n-Pepa were as raunchy as it got. But then… Puff Daddy saw how much money he made when he introduced "hardcore" R&B singers like Mary J. Blige, so he decided to flip it, mind fuck us, if you will, and give us an uber sexualized "hardcore" female rapper. And voila… Lil Kim. What happens to female emcees after that? Foxy Brown, Eve, and eventually Nikki Minaj happens.

Puff Daddy also made it cool to rap about excess and money. Mo' money, mo' problems, right? Had he not made that shift in the paradigm we may never have had a record label called "Cash Money" release a terribly catchy song called "Bling Bling" about… excess and money. No longer do we rap about how life really is. Now it's about how I want you to think my life is. Great.

And while Puff Daddy sat back making all the money, his artists suffered. If he ruined nothing else in music, he certain ruined the careers and dreams of numerous artists. Total, 112, Faith Evans, Mase, Black Rob, G-Dep, Shyne, Dream, Da Band, Danity Kane, this list goes on… and on… and on…

But… The only thing missing from my "Puff Daddy Ruined Rap Music" Rule is a clause allowing for the changing of times, the natural evolution of creativity. I can't go back in time and make Sean Combs an NFL player or something, but I can imagine a life without him in the music industry where all of this stuff happens anyway.

Plus… he has done positive things for music. If not for him we may never have known The Notorious B.I.G. or Mary J. Blige. His track record for success and making platinum records is part of the reason it's now considered a flop to go gold. (A gold record sold 500,000 units, by the way.) Most of his artists are wildly successful at their prime. Puff Daddy has a keen sense of what will make money. He's worked with just about everyone. He's done movie soundtracks, acted in movies, acted on Broadway, ran a marathon. Because of Puff Daddy we "Vote or Die," we wear Sean John, we drink Ciroc, have all-white parties even though we don't party in the Hamptons.

Musically, there aren't too many artists or producers who have done so much. His first three solo albums went platinum (the first, No Way Out, many times over…). He's had 10 singles make the top 10 of the Billboard Hot 100 chart. He is featured on numerous hit singles. And he's had a hand in producing dozens of hit songs, including one of my favorite Jay-Z songs ever, "Party Life." How can I possibly hate that?

As far as reconciling my grievance with him… that'll take time. Theoretically speaking, I can imagine that music would have taken a turn anyway, but I don't know that to be true. However, I can't have him play the villain forever. Though I am mad that “Minaj” gets to be added to my Microsoft Word dictionary… I can’t blame Puff Daddy.

I just know there is one Sean "Puff Daddy-P.Diddy-Diddy" Combs. His pros outweigh his cons. I appreciate his contribution and I welcome changes in the tide. I'd rather have a music world with him, than without him. I officially forgive Puff Daddy.

Responding to Jozen

2010-06-28T18:53:00.002-05:00

I was catching up on Twitter the other day and saw a retweet of a post from untiligetmarried.com entitled, "Just Because I Want to Sleep with You Doesn't Mean I'm Disrespectful." I had been dealing with a situation the night before with a dude's whose attitude seems perfectly summed up in that title. I was prepared to hate it. Jozen Cummings, who is also the Senior Culture and Music Editor for Global Grind writes that "sex [is] the highest form of praise one can give another." Though he goes on to admit this is problematic because "each encounter must be evaluated … in context because sex is a lot of things," his main point is that sex, and his desire to have sex with a woman is never disrespectful:

"Just because all I want to do is have sex with them, doesn't mean I don't respect all of the other great things they have to offer. […] I just don't care about what else they have to offer at the time I want to have sex with them."

Cummings rightly points out that "just because a man can have a[n] hour long conversation […] about non sexual things doesn't mean he respects her mind any more than the man who makes his sexual desires clear from the beginning." In fact, a lot of Cummings points are valid. However, he seems to ignore the fact that a woman doesn't really separate the mental or emotional from the physical. Furthermore, while I would love a man to be up front with me about his sexual desires, there are disrespectful methods to that madness.

While a man may not be thinking about a woman's intellect while he's thinking about having sex with her, a woman is always intellectualizing sex, whether she can articulate that or not. She's always thinking about the implications of the encounter, whether you'll call her in the morning, whether you'll make pretty children, whether your intellect matches hers. That drama with Kat Stacks shows that even when it seems like a woman has no intellect whatsoever, her mind is working out some emotional issues that could blow up in your face.

No woman wants to feel used. Only calling a woman after dark, or only texting "Come see me," is a sure sign that you're using her for sex. I can't totally call foul without being hypocritical but... Even if a woman seems down with such an arrangement, it's because she's rationalized it somehow, or she's not that into you either. Personally, I would rather a dude tell me what he wants and what he's all about on the front end. But I'd also like to know that the guy at least notices my mind.

I have no huge problems with the writer's opinion (and that's not just because he's kinda cute…). I have no doubt that he respects woman. I just think he missed an important point about women with a "convoluted sense men." It's not about you being disrespectful, it's about us not being everything you want. It's about us being awesome, but being reduced to a vagina that we don't like. So while I agree that the actual act of consensual copulation isn't disrespectful, disregarding a woman's brain -- or thinking that it is somehow acceptable to disregard a woman's intellect -- is.

Prepping for My Boondocks Post

2010-06-28T18:35:00.003-05:00

I had plans to respond to last night's Boondocks episode today, but I was teaching... then I was working out... then I was on a field trip. So... It'll be posted tomorrow. Until then, I'd like you all to read up on blacks and prisons in this country since so many of you think it's funny...

Slavery and Prison - Understanding the Connection (Kim Gilmore)

The Social Functions of Prisons in the United States (Bettina Aptheker)

Masked Racism: Reflections on the Prison Industrial Complex (Angela Davis)

Women in Prison: How It Is With Us (Assata Shakur)

Enjoy...

The Hip Hop Generation Gap

2010-06-28T12:00:00.000-05:00

Do you remember when Kenan Thompson joined the cast of Saturday Night Live? It was weird. Not because Kenan's not really that funny… But because he was the first SNL cast member born after the show's premiere in 1975. It left some wondering how someone who didn’t witness the greatness of something could contribute to that greatness. That's an essential question of hip hop today.

Ponder this…. Rakim and Jay-Z were about 10 when "Rapper's Delight" hit the top of the charts in 1979. When he was barely 20, Rakim released Paid in Full. Soulja Boy was 6 when Reasonable Doubt was released. And what did he give the world? "Crank That." What's worse… Soulja Boy had the nerve to "beef" with Ice T, to whom he owes much respect. Soulja Boy’s quest to legitimize his rap career has him doing somersaults on the toes of his forefathers. There appears to be a tremendous generation gap between older hip hop heads and the people enjoying the music today. How did this happen?

In the late seventies, hip hop's early years, the culture was about emceeing, breaking, b-boying, and partying. There was one message, The Message, in 1982 that showed people that this "fad" could be used as a tool to educate the masses about the conditions in our communities. Rick Rubin and Russell Simmons brought us T-La Rock and LL Cool J and taught us a little thing about "crossover" with the Beastie Boys in 1984. Rakim changed the flow of rap and brought lyricism to the forefront in 1986. With new-found scope and opportunity, party rappers like Kid 'n Play and Salt-n-Pepa were able to succeed alongside hippie rappers like De La Soul and conscious rappers like Queen Latifah and Public Enemy.

Hip hop was a playground, a bourgeoning culture with an agenda. The giants of the eighties were directly influenced by the originators of the seventies. Rivalry seemed to make everyone better. When newcomers replaced old heads at the top, they gave respect where respect was due. Young fans of this era were developing into artists watching everything play out, enjoying this new outlet, waiting for their chance to explode on the scene. Before they participated, they were students.

The nineties was their time. The early nineties gave us Ice Cube, NWA, and gangsta rap. The whole hip hop aesthetic shifted. Where conscious rap of the eighties hoped to affect change, gangsta rap in the nineties existed to "tell it like it is." Also, as hip hop was proving itself more than just a fad, people were finding new ways to make money from it. New hit-making formulas were discovered and a new segment of R&B that blended itself with hip hop brought us Mary J. Blige and Jodeci.

The people making music in the nineties were born at a time in history when they were able to see hip hop happen. They were fans and students of the seventies and eighties. A new generation of conscious rappers emerged, along with a new group of female artists, and a new batch of hardcore rappers. The super producer was born. The South exploded. The remix was "invented." Then the music died.

Tupac Shakur and Christopher Wallace were the faces of their generation. They were the de facto representatives of their home coasts. A rivalry that started in the music bled into the streets and the media exacerbated an increasing volatile situation. The "feud' between the East and West Coasts resulted in the shooting deaths of both rappers, 2pac in September of 1996 and The Notorious B.I.G. six months later in March of 1997. Suddenly rap had gotten too serious, too "gangsta."

Their deaths caused hip hop to take a sharp left toward the end of the nineties. The atmosphere changed. Rapping about violence was no longer in fashion. Suddenly you had so-called thugs like Ja Rule singing their hooks and traipsing around with R&B singers. More rappers chose to rap more about money and less about the way they were really living life. The music changed so much after their deaths that you now have a generation of listeners who don't remember what Tupac and Biggie's music was actually like, much less what music was like before them. That’s the problem.

There was a disconnect. Music changed and "progressed," but no one in the elder generation bothered to teach the younger generation what they meant by "hip hop." Instead, they eulogized hip hop, attacked youngsters, and caused disrespect and resentment. Consequently, Soulja Boy and artists like whoever sings that "Hit Em Wit Da Flex" song have misconstrued the meaning and purpose of hip hop. But not because they have evil plots to kill hip hop. Rather… they have no real connection to its greatness. Soulja Boy can "diss" Ice-T because he appears to have no idea who Ice-T is outside of Law and Order: SVU. Honestly, that's not really Soulja Boy's fault...

Look at how great works like the Constitution and the Bible are misinterpreted now. No one living today was around when they were created and we have manipulated their message to fit our lives. Today's youngest rappers don't know what the hell hip hop is because they weren't here for it. Rappers from the older generation seemed to care more about their money than their legacy, and now that their legacy is in question they're up in arms claiming the youth killed their art. What we have now is a generation that refuses to see the progress that can be made, and a generation of kids who don't understand how to make the proper progress because they don't know from where to progress.

Of course, this not to say new artists can't be great or appreciate hip hop enough to contribute meaningfully to it. Though largely vacuous, the new millennium has seen some awesome new music. The first decade of the 2000s brought us Kanye West, Eminem, Lupe, Kidz in the Hall, Kid Cudi, Wale, B.O.B, Drake, and many others. As a fan of music, someone who remembers life with Tupac, and someone whose parents loved me enough to teach me to respect my elders… I can only hope that the new artists who seem to get it start to pass on their respect and knowledge to newer artists as time goes on.

The Boondocks vs. Tyler Perry: Critiquing What You Don't Understand

2010-06-24T14:43:00.001-05:00

People are upset about the Boondocks' characterization of Tyler Perry and his work. In a recent episode of The Boondocks, called "Pause," Aaron McGruder and his writers attacked Tyler Perry personally, professionally, and spiritually. Since people are ignoring the scene between Riley and Granddad about the importance of saying "no homo" because "If it sounds gay, it's gay," and "How [will anybody] know you not a homo if you don't say 'no homo?'" I can only assume that that's all perfectly fine and dandy. Let's focus on the critiques of Tyler Perry instead.

The episode pissed Tyler Perry fans off, to say the least. Twitter was all abuzz with folks on both sides of the action going at the other. The problem is… Tyler and Aaron have two different, yet equally ignorant, fan bases. My light bulb went off and it hit me: the two can't have an intelligent discourse about their opinions because they don't understand each other.

Tyler's fans are older, black, church-going, single women. They support Tyler because he is a successful black man doing everything for himself. They dismiss The Boondocks by calling it stupid, juvenile, and offensive. Boondocks fans are teenage boys who support the show because it's on Adult Swim and they celebrate its use of "bad" language. They attack Tyler by calling him gay. Both sides feel that the products reflect them in some way. Neither camp appears to truly understand the other so they are both ill-equipped to intelligently point out problems or voice valid opinions. Further… Neither side understands that they're being used and/or exploited by that which they so vehemently defend.

Tyler Perry made his mark on the so-called chitlin' circuit writing plays about Christian values, forgiveness, abuse, love, and self-worth. He has about a dozen plays that he wrote, directed, and financed mostly with his own money. Half of those plays have been adapted for movies and one of them is now a television show. Opening Tyler Perry Studios made him the owner of the first major Black television and film studio. I can't knock his hustle.

However… I despise Madea. I can't stand to see black men in drag portraying black women as less-than-feminine basket cases with power issues. (Before you start with me… I really didn't like Mrs. Doubtfire, either…) I don’t like the subliminal message that a lighter skinned person will always save the day. That the woman is always the problem and all she needs is a good man to rescue her. That all a community needs to do to better itself is make sure the prostitute with the great voice ends up going to church, singing about forgiveness, and taking care of her kids again. And on top of all that… His comedy is just… not funny.

Now… Aaron McGruder's claim to fame is an awesomely funny, witty, satirical comic strip called The Boondocks (some of you may have heard of it…). Starting in his college newspaper before a stint in The Source leading up to national syndication, The Boondocks starred politically radical, 10-year-old Huey Freeman discussing political follies through the eyes of a child. Huey's maturity is offset by the ignorance of his wannabe-hood, 8-year-old brother Riley. The balance between the two is Huey's level-head, conscious best friend Caesar. The boys live with their loveable, strict Granddad who took them out of Chicago to give them a better life. Tom Dubois, his white wife Sarah, and their daughter Jazmine (who is always going through some kind of identity crisis stemming from her mixed race) provide additional fodder for Huey's fire. In 2005, the strip was adapted for television. It brought Aaron's intelligent wit to the world. It was poised for greatness a la South Park.

However… Behind-the-scenes legal issues, censorship, and other restraints caused most of the intelligence to be left in the strip. Still… Season 1 of the show managed to make some compromises and still bring us the nuance readers had come to love. Season 2 seemed awfully dumbed-down, but it was still funny. Now… I find myself shaking my head or sitting with my mouth hanging open in shock more than I find myself laughing. Aaron no longer writes for us, the committed first fans, the original smart audience. Hell… sometimes it seems like Aaron no longer writes (see: the first segment of episode 6 of this season, "Smokin with Cigarettes"). Ignorance via Riley dominates the show and the show's current audience eats it up as representative of their lives, not as the satire it's intended to be. Though Aaron is still trying to talk to his audience by giving us episodes about kickball (really… these kids don't have recess anymore. How can they possibly understand the seriousness of a schoolyard kickball game?) and tossing in Rocky Horror references (which went completely over my 12-year-old brother's head…), it's too little too late. The show jumped the shark and most of us jumped ship.

Both Tyler Perry and Aaron McGruder exploit their core audience and recycle old and tired memes and rhetoric. Many of the people who watched "Pause" and loved it because they agree with McGruder's borderline-homophobic characterization of "Winston Jerome," don't understand why people disagree with Tyler Perry's characterization of the anti-feminine matriarch. Hell, those same kids love House of Payne. The folks who watched "Pause" and hated it because it attacked Perry don't understand that The Boondocks is a satire mostly because, well… it's not anymore; it's just another "ignorant black show."

Truthfully, both audiences should be mad -- at Tyler Perry and Aaron McGruder. When y'all stop critiquing things you don't understand, come talk to me.

camp nicole - week 2

2010-06-21T17:02:00.001-05:00

didn't go as planned. at all... but it's ok... i'm learning that a good teacher is always revising her lesson plan... stay tuned.

Camp Nicole

2010-06-11T16:44:00.002-05:00

About two weeks or so ago (when Metro Public Schools ended classes for the summer) I had a conversation with my 14-year old brother, who had just finished his first year of high school.

"So how did you do on your exams?" I asked.

"Fine. I got all Bs. Well, I got a 63 on one exam, but I got an 83 in the class, so it's ok." He replied.

"So… You failed?"

"Naw. I passed."

"Hmmm… What are you going to do all summer?"

"Nothing. I'm just gonna hang out with my friends. Go to the movies. Relax."

(Images of LaTarrian Milton bombarded my brain.) "Nothing? All summer?"

"Yeah. I've been working hard for 9 months. I deserve to do nothing."

And there I was. Staring at myself. All my rationalized laziness, unusually-poor work ethic, and bad grades from the Spring 2010 semester were in my brother and flipping me off. I decided I would do something to help him so that I could help myself. And Camp Nicole was born.

For 7 weeks this summer, I'm home schooling both of my brothers. I have a few goals and a curriculum I designed especially for them…

Writing

From what I can tell, my brothers have not learned anything about writing in school. They barely know anything about English grammar and neither one of them communicates effectively in writing. There are only a few careers they can choose that won't require effective written communication. To help them, I have them doing worksheets on sentences, grammar, and usage. Also, they will be writing five-paragraph essays all summer to help them learn to plan, organize, and present their ideas on paper.

Reading

They seems to have a problem comprehending what they read if they don't want to read it. Basically, I have them reading some short stories I had to read for a few classes this past year and answering questions about them. Right now I'm not too sure how successful that will be so I'm working on developing projects for their summer reading books.

Math

This summer, I'll be teaching them the very basics of the math they'll be taking when they go back to school. Jeremy is still in middle school so he'll most likely be doing a mixed math with some topics in algebra. Daryl is going into geometry. They're most receptive to my math lessons because they haven't done it yet. Also, it's the one thing I do with them one on one so they are more comfortable and they don’t get distracted.

Research

I'm veeery excited about my "Big Black Map of Nashville" project. I made a list of landmarks, streets, and institutions in Nashville that are named for black people (except Rosa Parks), and my brothers are going to research these people. At the end, we'll put all of our landmarks on a map and visit them. They only use the internet for games and Facebook, and when they struggle through research for school. Further, they know very little about the accomplishments of black people outside of the "Black History Month Canon." My "Big Black Map of Nashville" will successfully hit both of those targets and give them something to look at in the future.

Field Trips

My brothers don't sit still very long without incentives. I have a great list of creative, informative, and fun field trips for them. I'd list them all, but I don't wanna make y'all jealous… =]

Of course, since we're at home, they clean the house, too… We just finished our first week and I like the way it's going. They are cooperative and receptive for the most part. The best part for me is that they'll appreciate me later. I mean… I know they love me. But one day (or…maybe quite a few days) this year they'll be doing some work in class and they'll think, "My sister already taught me this." They don't have to tell me, but it'll be awesome nonetheless.

The small satisfaction I feel from knowing that in the future they'll be alright has renewed my own academic desire. Spring 2010 was a horrible semester for me. I didn't care about school at all. There was seriously a period of time I was sure I was done, degree or no degree. I told myself I couldn’t drop out because of my parents and grandparents. Then Dr. Morgan-Curtis reminded me that I couldn't have the impact I want to have if I don't have credentials. Now I know I can't stop because my brothers need to see me finish.

I'll keep you all updated on Camp Nicole. I may post some of their sure-to-be-awesome work. And of course I'll be posting about our "Big Black Map of Nashville." (Did I tell y'all I'm excited about that??) =]

uninspired

2010-05-06T14:54:00.002-05:00

It's been a while since I've posted and it hasn't been fun... It's been a little difficult to find the energy to write. I have opinions about everything, of course, but I'm not getting any "write-about-it" vibes. I have been listening to music a lot. It keeps me in a calm place. In honor of my 24th birthday (which was Monday, May 3. Thanks for your well wishes, prompt and belated...) I'm gonna share the 24 songs I must listen to almost everyday. Of course I love more than 24 songs but.... 24 years, 24 songs. Just sounds right. Enjoy. Vibe with me. =]

The Right One - Chancellor Warhol (feat. Boss of Nova)
Hate - Jay-Z (feat. Kanye West)
McFearless - Kings of Leon
Partie Traumatic - Black Kids
Okay - Usher
Right as Rain - Adele
U Don't Know - Jay-Z
On Call - Kings of Leon
Hot N' Fun - N*E*R*D
Revelry - Kings of Leon
Barry Bonds - Kanye West (feat. Lil Wayne)
Kinda Like a Big Deal - Clipse (feat. Kanye West)
Past My Shades - B.O.B. (feat. Lupe Fiasco)
Outta the Window - J*Davey
Will II Win - Kidz in the Hall (feat. Marsha Ambrosius)
Bet I - B.O.B. (feat. T.I. and Playboy Tre)
Party Life - Jay-Z
Hurricane Jane - Black Kids
Comedy Central - Clipse (feat. Fabolous)
Get Together - J*Davey
We Got it For Cheap - Clipse
Pursuit of Happiness - Kid Cudi (feat. MGMT and Ratatat)
Stronger - Kanye West
Out My Mind, Just in Time - Erykah Badu

A Few Rules for Dining Out...

2010-03-30T13:11:00.001-05:00

Those of you who know me know that I have had a million jobs and I can do a million things. Before last December, I had never worked in a restaurant. I figured being a hostess couldn't be that hard. The majority of my positions have been in customer service, so I'm very comfortable dealing directly with the public. How hard can it be to take people to tables? Not hard at all. However… Some patrons are determined to make my time at work pure hell…

Sometimes people do things without realizing it. I am a firm believer that I can't necessarily expect someone to perform the way I want them to if I haven't shown them how. SO… As a courtesy, a fair warning before I go the hell off… Here are five little things to plant into your brain for the next time you dine out:

If a hostess seats you at a specific table, it is for a reason; stay there. Part of a hostess's job is spreading out the crowd evenly over the sections of the servers. When s/he chooses a table for you, it's probably that server's turn. There is also the possibility that the hostess is saving the table you have your eye for a larger party. Perhaps s/he needs to push that to another. If you'd rather sit somewhere else, ask the hostess to move or put in that request before s/he seats you. It may not be a problem. But never get up and move yourself.

Similarly, don't ignore the "See the Hostess for Seating" sign and seat yourself. My restaurant hasn't always had a hostess. At first, the hostess wasn't there regularly. Now, there is a hostess Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night, and for brunch on Saturday and Sunday morning. Even if you don't know that schedule, even if you're used to coming to my restaurant and seating yourself, there is a sign posted that tells you to wait to be seated. It's posted at every entrance. How rude are you to bypass that?

Don't be a bitch to the hostess. There are a lot of things to consider when seating a party: party size, server sales, table size, wait time, kitchen holds, floor manager advice, etc. You, lovely diner, are not the only diner in building. When you put your name on a list to be seated, and the hostess gives you a wait time, don't start bitching about how long that is. Don't try to negotiate. Don't get snotty. I hate to say it, but that poor impression will make your wait time longer.

Don't try to bribe the hostess. This goes hand in hand with the previous item. There's a lot going on, and you aren't the only one who needs to be served. There is no amount of money that can make a table appear where there isn't one (unless you build one…). Also… Attempting to bribe the hostess might appear to be admirable or funny or acceptable to some, but to me, it make you look like an ass. You can be patient like everybody else.

Don't hover around the hostess. I don't have a lot of space a my restaurant. Whereas most hostesses you see have a nice podium, I have the end of a bar and a clipboard. A step in any direction will put you in someone's way. Once you give a name for your party, go ahead and step back. You don't have to hang out right there. Even if you're at a restaurant where there's a hostess stand, you should move so that other patrons can see and be seen. And… It's cool to check in, but don't ask if you're next EVERY time the hostess seats someone else.

My honorable mentions are really simple… Don't stalk tables; that's my job and it's creepy when you do it. And don't sit at a dirty table. I hate when I say, "You can sit there when it's clean," and people just walk to it. We aren't able to put our best foot forward when you sit somewhere we haven't fixed for you.

Really… I think this stuff is common sense. It all boils down to common courtesy. I know the people who do these things probably won't change. (And they probably don't read my blog.) There are people who have never worked in the service industry, so they aren't sensitive to what the people at work are dealing with. There are also people who are just snotty, who feel like the customer is always right and the people working are servants. As the restaurant staff, we are there to provide you with the best dining experience possible. I am there to make sure you get a clean table that can accommodate your party. If you work with me, everyone will be happy. =]

Is it REALLY that Serious?

2010-03-30T13:03:00.001-05:00

As a hostess at a restaurant, I see lots of men going to ridiculous lengths to please women… I ask [what I think are] simple questions and dudes go crazy:

"Would you mind sitting on the patio?"

"Oh, uh, um… Well… I don't know. It might be too cold for her…"

"Do you want to sit at the bar?"

"Wow… The bar? It's up to you, honey."

"The wait is 20 minutes."

"Whooooa! 20 minutes?? I need to ask her first."

The looks of panic I have seen in response to my [basic] questions would have you thinking I made an indecent proposal… Seriously dude? Is it REALLY that serious? Just make a decision!

This awkwardness alarmed me, so I consulted my favorite expert on masculinity, my biological dad. He blamed the weirdness on "crazy feminists" who demanded to be allowed to make their own decisions. He says women want to have it both ways: they want to be in charge, but they don't want to be held accountable. He claims a man has to bend over so far backwards that he doesn't know which way is up so he feels like he has to make a big deal out of the smallest thing -- to make HER happy, of course.

All of that is BULL. (sorry dad…) Women may be indecisive… But we want results, too. Making a big deal over nothing doesn't make us happy. I don't care how many arguments we've had at home over what may be perceived to be small issues… Don't act like you don't have the balls to commit to a table in a restaurant. Making decision makes us happy. Or at least… It makes me happy.

Other folks with whom I've discussed it think it has more to do with men wanting to be polite and chivalrous. Eh… I'm not one of those women who sits around saying chivalry is dead. I think everyone should be polite to everyone. Not just a man to a woman… And a dude who goes out of his way to make me happy is good, but don't sweat the small stuff. I'm not irrational.

Politeness is one thing. Opening doors for others, saying please and thank you, etc… all great things… But you don't have to be all timid and spineless to make me happy. I can't stand spineless men. If we're meeting at a restaurant, and you get there first, get a table. No need for the freak out. Right? Or... Is this just me?

A Case for Commas

2010-03-24T17:19:00.002-05:00

I was looking through my Strunk and White (because… yeah… sometimes The Elements of Style is Sunday reading…) and I started think about how awesome we'd all be if we followed all those rules. Then my brain went on this tangent about how I don't follow all those rules and how the book is called "Elements of Style" not "Rules of Writing" and how a lot of people can't keep that stuff straight anyway and specifically how most people use commas completely wrong and how that screws up most essays and papers… (whew…) People hate commas. Why is that? I love English (but I am by no means a grammarian.) I don't use commas correctly 100% of the time, but I like them. They're not as difficult to use as we make it, and I think simply correcting one's comma usage can vastly improve one's writing.

So… Periods tell your brain when to stop. (Or, as my over use of the ellipsis shows, when to trail off in thought…) Commas, on the other hand, tell your brain when to pause, marry two or more ideas together, and change intonation. If you think about it and listen to yourself speak, you do all this naturally anyway. But… Try to read a sentence with missing commas. ("My brother who was sick for 12 days told me to go to the store that's around the corner to pick up some sprite which he thinks makes him feel better and I think just makes him burp.") It doesn’t come out right. You don't really understand the meaning until you've stumbled to the end. So, if for no other reason, use commas in your writing to help out your readers. You don't have to know what something like a dangling modifier is to know that you don't want one…

How does one correctly use commas , you ask? Well… I already said I don't always use them correctly, but my little rule of thumb is to use commas to set extra information apart from the main sentence. Different kinds of "extra information" go by different names -- restrictive relative clauses vs. non-restrictive relative clauses and the like -- but I'm going to try not to confuse you with jargon. Most comma rules fall under my "extra information" rule.

Strunk and White say, "Enclose parenthetic expressions between commas." Basically, if you don't need it to make the sentence understood, put it between two commas:

"The best way to see a country, unless you are pressed for time, is to travel on foot."

If you removed the extra information, the sentence would still make sense and it would still be correct:

"The best way to see a country is to travel on foot."

A lot of times clauses that can be considered extra information start with which, where, when, who, etc. In other cases, that same information changes the meaning of the sentence depending on whether you use commas. For example:

"The candidate who best meets these requirements will obtain the place."

The subject of the sentence is specifically "the candidate who best meets these requirements." This sentence means "Of these candidates, only the one who meets the requirements will win."

Punctuating this sentence with commas will convey a different meaning:

"The candidate, who best meets these requirements, will obtain the place."

This means "This candidate will obtain the place and s/he best meets these requirements." Both sentences can be correct depending on what one is trying to say. In one sense the information is extra, and in another it is essential to meaning and therefore not set apart with commas.

Strunk and White say, "Place a comma before "and" or "but" introducing an independent clause." Some extra information can stand alone and that necessitates the use of a comma and a conjunction.

"The situation is perilous, but there is still one chance of escape."

This extra information could be its own sentence. Using a comma without a conjunction causes that much-hated "comma splice."

Strunk and White say, "In a series of 3 or more terms with a single conjunction, use a comma after each term except the last." I justify this by thinking that if I can make separate sentences with each term, I need a comma to separate them.

"I have those shoes in red, white, and blue."

This sentence can be three separate sentences:

"I have those shoes in red." "I have those shoes in white." "I have those shoes in blue."

Of course there are some exceptions, but they are mostly irrelevant to basic use. To me, commas become difficult when their use depends on us knowing the difference between an independent clause and a dependent clause, or appositives and simple sentences, etc. Unlike other punctuation marks (like the semicolon), commas actually make sense. Use them. Please? Or I have taught you nothing and my rant was pointless… =]

BTW! If you're interested in The Elements of Style, I found it online… And if I didn't make any sense to you, maybe Purdue University's Online Writing Lab can help.

How Did You Make it to College without Knowing...

2010-03-24T16:57:00.004-05:00

...how to write and format works cited page?

Granted… MLA was revised in 2009 and different disciplines use different style guides, but how do you make it without it looking at least familiar to you?

…how to write [or even recognize] a thesis statement?

We learned about topic sentences and thesis statements early on. Topic sentences guide paragraphs and thesis statements guide entire papers. I mean… That's the basis of every paper I write. The three-part thesis statement is the essay formula I was given. How can it be that you were ever asked to write an essay without being taught how?

…anything about ANY black writers?

I'm not talking about knowing full bios. I'm not saying you have to have even read anything by one. But what's your excuse for not recognizing Maya Angelou? I mean… She was in Poetic Justice!

…how to use the index of a book?

The professor gave a list of terms and said they're all in the textbook, though not all of them are highlighted. Students came back saying there were terms that were "hidden" in paragraphs and some that they couldn't find. Whaaaat? It took me 20 minutes to do the assignment. The first place I went was the index. Valuable tool, yall…

…the difference between they're/there/their?

Surely people get tired of hearing about this one. I understand that sometimes you slip up. But how can it be that you're writing college level papers and you NEVER use the correct word?

Ok… So I might be a bit of a nerd… But still… Folks should know this stuff. [ESPECIALLY if they made it to college.] I'll stop… I don't wanna be mean. Just venting. But then again... I am an intellectual snob... =]

Fathers and Daughters

2010-03-24T16:48:00.001-05:00

Alright… I don’t [think] I have daddy issues. I knew my daddy and even though he had shitty moments, I knew him. He was "there." I have a stepfather who has been around since I was 4. He married my mom when I was 9. He's good and supportive and all that. I've never been "fatherless." My daddy wasn't absent. No doubt life would have been a little different if I didn't have a father.

All this comes to mind because a lesbian couple at my job have a daughter: one of them was pregnant and gave birth 2 months ago. I have yet to ask about the baby's father so I don't know if he was a donor or if she was with him and left him for her girlfriend. That part is kind of irrelevant, though. Fodder for gossip mills… Mostly, I wonder if there will be a father figure for their daughter.

Everyone says women can't teach boy how to be men. But a woman - by herself - can't teach a girl how to be a woman, either. I'm a mama's girl. I love my mom. She taught me a lot. But how would I know healthy ways to interact with men if she had never shown me? How would I know anything about marriage if I had never seen hers? Without both of my fathers, how would I know what's acceptable and what's not?

I'm not saying these 2 women can't be great parents. They're great people. I don't think their homosexuality will "rub off" on their daughter, either. (That's ridiculous.) Really I just think the importance of a father is underestimated. I'm pretty sure their kid will encounter men in the world. Her head won't explode when she does or anything, but still…

I'm fine with homosexual couples having, adopting, raising children. I went to middle school with a girl who was raised by a lesbian couple. She was cool. I just wonder where she is now and how she reflects on her childhood. I wonder if she knew her father, if she ever missed him, if she's planning a family and thinks about the impact of a father in her children's life. What do you think?

Oh… And as I write this I'm watching "The Best Thing I Ever Ate" and heard Iron Chef Cat Cora talk about discovering a dish while she and her partner were pregnant at the same. They're raising four boys. Do you think that makes a difference?

The Problem with Blaming Planned Parenthood

2010-03-16T16:34:00.001-05:00

I've written about Margaret Sanger and reproductive rights in the black community before, but I think I may need to revisit some things since the issue has resurfaced…

Recently, about 80 billboards that feature a beautiful black baby with the worlds "ENDANGERED SPECIES" printed on him have gone up in Atlanta. Stories from ABC and Essence.com say these billboards were sponsored by The Radiance Foundation (who set up a website called toomanyaborted.com) and Georgia Right to Life. According to these groups, of the 36,094 abortions performed in Georgia, 21,000 were obtained black women. The people behind the billboards admit that the message is shocking and the billboards are intended to incite outrage at the fact that black women are "killing" black babies. According to the Essence article, some believe that the government should cut funding to Planned Parenthood because abortion clinics are disproportionately placed in low income areas and they "prey on black women." Ryan Bomberger of The Radiance Foundation, says the billboards and the website are "trying to raise awareness in the African American community […] and it should be alarming to civic leaders and to black pastors."

I believe in the freedom of speech and all that, so neither the billboards nor the website offends me. I am offended by insinuation that black women who abort fetuses are somehow fooled by Planned Parenthood in their grand scheme to kill black babies and exterminate the black race.

First, let's address the charge that Planned Parenthood is out to exterminate black people. Every so often this pops up… Like when someone wins the Sanger Award or an anniversary rolls around… Planned Parenthood was established by a white woman who believed in a thing called eugenic, which is basically selective breeding. Folks, especially black pastors, like to call Sanger a racist and claim that she started Planned Parenthood to carry out her mission to kill off black people like the Nazis tried to do with Jews.

I really don't care if Sanger was a racist. However… From what I've read, Sanger started her "family planning" clinics so that women could plan babies instead of having them whenever their husbands demanded. She set out to teach women about birth control with the hopes that this would stop the self induced, dangerous abortions she witnessed as a nurse. She believed smart women took birth control and planned families. She came from a Social Darwinism kind of perspective, but she didn't believe in killing off the unfit (i.e., exterminating poor/blacks) just simply that they shouldn't procreate. She disagreed with what the Nazis did and she was anti abortion because of the horrible abortions she had seen as a nurse. Essentially she believed stupid people shouldn't breed. I agree with that. (So shoot me…)

Second, regardless of Margaret Sanger's personal beliefs, eugenics was never apart of the Planned Parenthood mission. According to their official website,

"Planned Parenthood believes in the fundamental right of each individual, throughout the world, to manage his or her fertility, regardless of the individual's income, marital status, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, age, national origin or residence."

Planned Parenthood wasn't established to help with the Negro Project (black pastors I have heard like to bring that up -- without discussing the black people who were involved, of course) and even if it was, Sanger has been dead 44 years. Planned Parenthood is way more than that to way more people now.

Planned Parenthood does more than abortions. Yes, they provide birth control. But they also provide general healthcare (including diabetes testing, flu shots, high blood pressure screening, physicals, cancer screening, HIV and STD testing, etc.) to both men and women, and they offer education and support services to the LGBT community. Further, their services are often offered free or discounted to people who may not be able to afford health insurance. To cut funding to Planned Parenthood because of the beliefs of a woman in 1933 would be to the detriment many people who have no connection to that woman in 2010.

Look… No woman gets pregnant and aborts because of a grand plan to kill black babies. An abortion in many cases is a last resort. I don't know anyone who would take that decision lightly and make it easily. Shaming any woman out of making this decision passively takes away her right to choose. That's wrong. Worst, the people saying "don't kill black babies" aren't trying to take care of black babies. No… They want to adopt foreign children while there are thousands of all races here in the United States. Unwanted black babies fly under the radar and fall through the cracks if they weren't struck by some terrible natural disaster. Folks who want to save "endangered" black children should start in America's foster care system.

Moreover, attacking Planned Parenthood and using Sanger as a scapegoat takes focus off the real issue: women taking part in reckless activities that lead to unwanted pregnancies which lead to unwanted children. These Pro-Life organizations, The Radiance Foundation and Georgia Right to Life, would be more effective if they focused on Education instead of sensationalism. According to my research, the cost for CBS outdoor advertisement starts at $1,500 per billboard each month. For 80 billboards, that's at least $120,000. Do you know what that money could do in those poor communities the billboards are posted in? College funds, after school programs, actual sex education instead of the "abstinence only" mandate that Bush handed down.

The statistics are alarming. (Although… the articles don't give a time period for the stats, or tell how the data was collected. Just that "According to the CDC…") The situation is not pleasant. But the situation won't be helped by attacking Planned Parenthood. Or any abortion clinic, either. The solution to this problem starts at home. There is no one pill to solve the ills of the black community, but if we started taking responsibility for our actions and teaching our children to do the same, a lot of things would change...

For further reading, including more about the Negro Project, go to the site for the Margaret Sanger Papers Project. The site includes an essay she wrote specifically about eugenics, and a lot of her other writing as well.

Gentrification and The Plan of Nashville

2010-03-16T15:55:00.001-05:00

My dictionary.com app (#teamiphone #folife) defines "gentrification" as "the buying and renovation of houses and stores in deteriorated urban neighborhoods by upper- or middle-income families or individuals, thus improving property values but often displacing low-income families and small businesses." I mostly see this when white folks want to "improve" something. Like the situation with Belmont and Rose Park. OH! And when white people want to be edgy and/or gritty and move to East Nashville… I don't really see it happening in other ghettos, though… Nolensville Rd. is still very Mexican...

Architecture and civil engineering are interests of mine (In 3rd grade I drafted an entire city without direction or adult input…) so while I was in line waiting for my Mocha JavaKula at Borders The Plan of Nashville caught my eye. It's a great book and an awesome plan. However… does such a plan cross that line into gentrification? One of the 10 principles that guided The Plan (and I love their principles) is "Strengthen the unique identity of neighborhoods." But how does one know the "unique identity" of a given neighborhood unless s/he is from that neighborhood?

It seems that if the city spends the money to implement these plans, inevitably, low-income families won't be able to afford it anymore. Now… Affordable housing is apart of The Plan but what about the new parks and marinas they have planned? Property values around those neighborhoods will skyrocket. The poor and minority families that live there now will probably have to move. Is it big bad gentrification if the city is improved?

I'm not knocking the Nashville Civic Design Center. As I understand it, The Plan was a community project with input from many people from many people from many backgrounds… I'm just saying… some of the problem with gentrification is that white people -- especially some uber liberal white folks -- get it into their heads that they know what the black community wants. They think they understand the structure of the black community.

So many times during the Belmont/Rose Park debate, I heard classmates saying, "But that community isn't using the park. It's just… sitting there. Plus we'll make it better, state of the art. Why don't/can't/won't they appreciate that?" No one saying that came from Edgehill, so how could they say that Rose Park wasn't exactly the way that community wanted or needed it to be?

I don't know… For the record, I love The Plan of Nashville. There is this part about how interstates severed historic neighborhoods that I found really interesting, but maybe I'm a nerd… Go to the site to read more. Buy the book. Watch the little film. Tell me if and where you think this falls into that murky gentrification pool...

This is Not the Post for You

2010-03-15T16:04:00.001-05:00

… if you're looking for my great insight into some social issue/current event. Got plenty of others for that. Try here, here, and here. Just need to vent and I enjoy the noise my nails make on the keyboard. It's… therapeutic.

Anyway. Fifth Third Bank, the bastards. Three years ago I had an account with them into which I deposited my weekly pay checks. Somehow the account was overdrawn by some small amount… Like a dollar and some change… I saw it but I didn't trip because it was just a dollar and I deposited my check every Thursday. So… I looked at my account one day and it was overdrawn by that dollar. The next day I looked it was -$300. WTF?

I called and a representative told me that ten transactions were responsible for the overdraft and a fee of $33 was assessed on each one. I tried to reason with her. How could ten transactions add up to a dollar? I had my statements and everything. She wasn’t budging, so I said whatever and kept it moving. I looked at my account again and it was overdrawn by like $600, then again $900. Found out they were charging a daily fee. Woooow.

When bill collectors started calling, I explained the situation and that I had no plans to pay them any more than a dollar plus and overdraft fee and that was nowhere near $900. They all said they same thing: "Ma'am I'm just collecting a debt." What do they care? They paid a penny for my account… Still… I didn't care… Fifth Third charged me ridiculous fees on a $1 overdraft. Why would I pay a 100% of debt that's only 3% legitimate?

Woke up this morning to a deputy sheriff ringing my doorbell at 6:30 telling me Fifth Third (or whoever owns the account these days…) is taking me to court. Ain't that some bullshit? I called the number on the paper and they directed me somewhere else and they told me to call the first people back… I'm getting the run around. I'm not going to court though… They're trying to add court costs to my "debt." Fuck that. I'll give them $34. The rest is imaginary money that doesn't exist. I certainly didn't spend $900 of Fifth Third's money. Why they tryna take $900 of mine?

On top of all that, school is a mess. I'm tired of it. I'm paying to have someone waste time teaching me chemistry I don't need and the same history I've been learning since day one of public school… Snow days, the whole court and class process with my license, ridiculous migraines and sinus problems that Dr. Cromwell says everyone deals with, and a little itis called "don't give a fuck" has left my grades in shambles. Well… they're not too bad, nothing I can't fix (except chemistry. They'll see me in summer school…) They're just not Nicole worth. Though… they match the effort given. Ugh… What's the point? I wish this was a sitcom so I could wake up having fallen down and slipped into a 24-season-spanning dream. Grrrr… Go read my other shit now...

On Supporting "Black" Movies

2010-03-10T22:03:00.001-06:00

So… My dad has a problem with me not supporting "black" movies. More specifically… He wants me to support Tyler Perry movies. I can't get with Tyler because I'm tired of seeing black men in drag. He's promoting this image of a black woman devoid of any femininity. We're just the same as a man except we wear dresses? Get out of here. Also… His favorite storyline is problematic. All of his movies include a woman who needs to be saved. Usually she's saved by a man from chaos of her own creation. That's hella wack.

Daddy claims the "black" movies I won't go see, I'd go see if they were made by white people. About that… A lot of these "black" movies I'm supposed to support WERE made by white people. Your favorite black movie probably wasn't directed by black people. Or… If it was, it wasn't funded by black people. Tyler Perry does that well. I can't knock his hustle. Aside from that… He's wrong. I don’t like stupid movies. I wouldn't want to see Soul Plane even if white people did it. I don't hate Soul Plane because of the black people. I hate it because it's dumb. He likes to bring up The Hangover. But come on… That flick was FUNNY. I like GOOD movies. I like funny movies. I like mob movies. I like action movies. I really don't care who's making them.

Having said that… I'm really tired of the same movies. We know about corrupt cops in New York. Brooklyn's Finest was super dumb. I'm extra tired of the "white people save black folks" narrative so I'll never see The Blind Side. I don't like war movies so I won't see The Hurt Locker and that one is this year's best picture. I'm equal opportunity. I'll watch just about anything BUT I'm not going to watch something I have no interest in. I certainly won't watch it JUST because black people are in it.

It's not smart to blindly support anything. We should support quality so that we receive quality. I'd much rather see a movie that has characters that happen to be black than a movie that's about black people. Tell me a story. Don't sell me an aesthetic.

On Dating White Dudes

2010-02-25T10:45:00.001-06:00

First of all... I'm tired of this dismal picture of the successful black woman who is lonely because either she intimidates black men or no black men are "qualified" to be with her (since successful black women outnumber successful black men 3-to-1...) The successful black women I know are married, single because they want to be, or are lesbians. None of them are lonely or sad. None of them think that dating white men is "the answer" to their "problem."

I read this little article, "Interracial Love Is the Answer for Black Women," and it I disagree with it. What worked for the woman in the article may not work for other black women. I don't care what Oprah says about seeing what's out there. I don't believe that "black women are in a market failure."

Having said all that, I'm not totally opposed to dating a white man. Seeing interracial couples does nothing to me. Folks find love where they find it, and that's cool. I'm not really afraid of taking a white boy home. The fam will get over it. And I definitely don't care what People (you know, the almighty "They") say.

My general opinion of The White Race would be a problem in a relationship with a white man. I can't talk shit TO The Man about The Man and then go sleep with him. It'll start off decent and sweet enough and then he'll say something and upside his head I must go. Or... His mom will get out of line and "See... That's why I don't fuck with crackers," might just slip out of my mouth. I foresee lots of ill will and a bad break up.

Furthermore, I have come across more dudes who feel like John Mayer than will admit it. The white men I have crushed on in the past may like to think they'd date me but the image of a difficult black woman prevails and they don't. My personality in general doesn't help. I don't roll over easily. White men I've known don't "do" fiesty.

I am single. I am strong. I will be successful. Do I think that will stop me from finding a man? Well... I don't really think about it. I don't sit around wondering if a man will come through and sweep me off my feet. I'm attracted to certain qualities in a man and when I'm really ready to get married, a man with what I want will be there.

Don't talk to me in statistics. I don't want to hear that I'll be too successful for a black man. Don't tell me abandon hope and settle for a white man. I'm not looking for an "answer," but if I were it would always be a strong, ambitious, intelligent, funny, creative MAN. And he is out there.

Barack Obama, Black America's Saviour?

2010-02-25T09:18:00.001-06:00

I got into a little debate with my dad about President Barack Obama and "the black agenda." My dad thinks Obama should do more to help black America and that he should spend time addressing black leaders. (Those same "leaders" who wanted to castrate him and said he wasn't "black enough...") Needless to say, I disagree...

1. Obama is a black man. He should be trying to help black people.
   He is the President. He should be trying to help ALL people. For him to focus on black people because he is black would be detrimental to his political career and any progress we hope to make in the future. Plus, there is no Black agenda. What works for one black person may not work for another. What one family needs another may not.

2. If you're saying he shouldn't focus on specific groups, then he shouldn't do anything for women or gays.
   If black legislators and lobbyist were pushing for laws to help their black constituents the way that people work for womens rights and equal rights for gays, that would be different. But we're talking about Tavis Smiley, Michael Eric Dyson, and Cornel West bitching about not receiving special treatment bc they're black and the Obama is black and he doesn't treat them like kings. Obama shouldn't pander to ANY special groups. But they do the work to be represented, and we should too. WHY should we expect to be treated differently? Because we're black? Surely you see a problem there.

3. How can you say there's no problem in the Black community when everything affects blacks disproportionately?
   Everything DOES affect us disproportionately as whole. However, the solution to that problem is not Tavis Smiley's "dialogues on race" or his biography of R.Kelly. The solution is not Michael Eric Dyson having dinner with the President. The solution is not for Obama to (as Cornel West put it in that lovely Tavis Smiley documentary, STAND) "love us out in the open." The solution is people working in the streets with black people, pushing legislation if necessary, teaching our people how to succeed, improving our neighborhoods, etc.

4. What about all these discrimination cases? Are you saying they don't exist?
   They do. Obama isn't the solution to that either. Those cases at most would go to the supreme court and the President doesn't preside over that. He isn't the saviour sent to eliminate racism. While he may feel a certain way about specific discrimination cases as a black man, he's not in position to do anything. He's not a community organizer anymore. The nation's issues take priority because he is the President.

Barack Obama is the President of the United States. He is not the President of the Black People in America. He isn't going to solve our problems. WE have to solve our problems. We can't expect to get bumped to the front of the line because the President looks like us. The nation is involved in two wars, the economy is screwed, education (for everyone) is wacked. I voted for Obama because I thought he had good solutions to THOSE problems. Not because I thought he would solve black problems.

When his time as President is over I fully expect Obama to go back to helping communities as he did before. The service he does after this presidency will probably be more valuable to the black community than what he is able to do as now. And I am willing to wait for that. Besides... "I am the master of my fate." I don't need Barack Obama to save me.

Best for Last

2010-02-24T22:47:00.000-06:00

~Adele
Listen!

Wait, do you see my heart on my sleeve?
It's been there for days on end and
It's been waiting for you to open up
Just you baby, come on now
I'm trying to tell you just how
I'd like to hear the words roll out of your mouth finally
Say that it's always been me

That's made you feel a way you've never felt before
And I'm all you need and that you never want more
Then you'd say all of the right things without a clue
But you'd save the best for last
Like I'm the one for you

You should know that you're just a temporary fix
This is not rooted with you it don't mean that much to me
You're just a filler in the space that happened to be free
How dare you think you'd get away with trying to play me

Why is it everytime I think I've tried my hardest
It turns out it ain't enough cause you're still not mentioning love
What am I supposed to do to make you want me properly?
I'm taking these chances and getting away
And though I'm trying my hardest you back to her
And I think that I know things may never change
I'm still hoping one day I might hear you say

I make you feel a way you've never felt before
And I'm all you need and that you never want more
Then you'd say all of the right things without a clue
But you'd save the best for last
Like I'm the one for you

You should know that you're just a temporary fix
This is not rooted with you it don't mean that much to me
You're just a filler in the space that happened to be free
How dare you think you'd get away with trying to play me

But, despite the truth that I know
I find it hard to let go and give up on you
Seems I love the things you do
Like the meaner you treat me the more eager I am
To persist with this heartbreak and running around
And I think that I know things may never change
I'm still hoping one day I might hear you say

I make you feel a way you've never felt before
And I'm all you need and that you never want more
And we'll say all of the right things without a clue
And you'll be the one for me and me the one for you

Word of the Wise

2010-02-24T18:12:00.002-06:00

Last week, my Modern Grammar professor proclaimed -- to prove a point about censorship -- that he doesn't believe words hold a lot of weight. And so… he uses the word "fuck" freely. However… my Modern Grammar professor is a white man at an HBCU… He qualified his statement about words having no weight by saying that there are some words he won't use because of their impact on others and possibly himself. He said he's sure there are also words we won't use.

My guess is that his list includes derogatory words surrounding race and sexual orientation. But what's on my list? Anything? Is there anything I'd never say? Not really.

To some extent, I understand what he means. Words are just words. Saying "fuck" is the same as saying "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious;" it has only the meaning we give it. However, words definitely carry some weight. If my mother were to say with some force, "Pick up these clothes!" I would probably say, "Ok," then go back to whatever I was doing. However… If mom says, "Pick up these fuckin clothes!" I'm probably not saying anything because I'm picking up clothes. The expletive conveys a greater degree of seriousness whether it's there or not.

I recognize the impact of words on people, but theoretically speaking there is nothing I won't say. Instead, there are some things I won't say to certain people. Though my professor says that it's ok to say "fuck" in class, I probably never will. Not because I think he'd be offended, but because I was raised not to use "bad" words in front of adults. Decorum dictates that it's not cool to say to my mom, "I cain't stand bitches all in my muthafuckin shit!" That doesn't mean I wouldn't say it.

As far as words that might offend other people, I'll say those too. "Nigga" doesn't offend me. I use it all the time. I may say that something is "retarded" but it's unusual for me to call someone "a retard." I prefer "fuckin idiot." Homosexuality isn't negative to me so I don't use "fag" or "faggot" as an insult. Instead, I'd probably call a weak man a "bitch." But all this is a result of how I was raised. My parents used these words in these ways. It's what I know.

SO. Are there words you won't use? Why?